What To Do When Evil Lurks Around You

While some Christians are obsessed with the devil and demons, I don’t recommend thinking much about these emotionally disturbed creatures. However, if you ever feel oppressed or bothered by a seemingly evil presence that you can’t put your finger on, enter a quiet time of prayer. 

Begin praising Christ for his blessings in your life and his absolute mastery over the devil; then rebuke Satan face-to-face: “Satan, I bind you in the name of Jesus Christ. I command you to withdraw all influence in my life. Now Holy Spirit, please fill me with your presence. In the name of Jesus, amen.”

That’s all there is to it. It is Jesus who has defeated the devil and the Holy Spirit who makes Satan tremble. Scripture promises, “When the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him” (Is 59:19).

If you are troubled by a nightmare, ask God to illuminate the meaning of your dream. Is there something you are avoiding, some choice you need to make? Or is it the devil making you fearful? Either way, I recommend placing a Bible in plain sight by your bed as a symbol that you belong to Christ alone. Pray for the Holy Spirit to fill your bedroom at night, comfort you as you go off to sleep, and exert influence in your dreams.

If someone develops a vendetta toward you, a specific intent to harm you, you know this is not from God. Pray, “Lord, help this person get hung by the noose they are hanging for me.” “Christ, deliver me from this person’s evil schemes and gossip.” “Father, I cover myself with the blood of Christ. Thank you for protecting me and bringing about justice in this situation.”

You can develop a relaxed vigilance regarding Satan, and though you stand ready to command him to desist and depart, it is wise to recognize that a fair portion of the negative tensions you experience in life are not demonic, but rather psychological in origin.

If you have needs that require clinical or pastoral counseling, I encourage you to seek out a qualified professional to help you. You may benefit from perusing the principles of personality found in my book, The Self Compass: Charting Your Personality in Christ. Further, you might search out a book study that concentrates on personality transformation and relationship healing.

If you suffer from significant bouts of depression that extend over months and years, you may have a biochemical deficiency that is genetic in origin, and which will respond favorably to medication issued by a physician or psychiatrist. 

Don’t hold back from making an appointment for evaluation. Then tell that person about your history of struggles with depression, or with periodic mood swings. Be sure and explore what you’ve tried that has and hasn’t helped. An appropriate antidepressant or medication for bipolar disorder can be a godsend in the same way that glasses can transform nearsighted or farsighted eye conditions into 20/20 vision.

When you assess the situation with these tools, you are taking steps so that evil will have no hold on you. 

Trust In God's Love for You!

Your relationship with Christ encompasses your personality and human nature. How does this work?

Innumerable millions have known and loved Jesus Christ, both now and throughout the ages. God has made redemption through Christ so simple that even children can experience the Lord. 

The bottom line is that God has taken care of the sin problem afflicting humanity by allowing his Son Jesus to die on the cross in our place. It is interesting to note that among world religions and pagan philosophies, Christianity stands alone in witnessing to the Incarnation of Christ, his atonement for sin, and God’s pursuit of intimacy with each person.

 

The Jews didn’t put Christ on the cross, nor did the Romans. I put Christ on the cross. And so did you. By confessing our sins and asking for God’s forgiveness, grace is imparted to us and we are redeemed. We find ourselves saying inwardly by the power of the Holy Spirit, “I am the Lord’s child and God is my Papa!”  

This is where the fun begins. God didn’t give us the most precious gift imaginable so that we can sit on our hands, much less that we become boring religious copycats who spend all day trying to be good.

From the creation of humankind, God has looked for individuals to become his friends and playmates: gutsy romantic risk-takers who respond to his love for them. The next time you read the Gospels notice how much Jesus enjoyed the wedding of Cana, how transparently he comes across with Peter and the gang, how forcefully he raises his buddy Lazarus from the dead, and how sternly he rebukes the religious rule-keepers who want to make his disciples as miserable as themselves.

 

The Lord isn’t trying to get you to copycat the lives of dead saints or act like people in the first century. He’s trying to get you up and running as an original in Christ, a person who lives on the cutting edge of the twenty-first century. He wants to awaken your mind, heart, and body so that you are aware and choosing—a lively dialogue partner who brings him delight and relates to him with creative fidelity.

Nothing in regard to your human experience is beyond Christ’s comprehension, nor should you hold back in shame or fear that you’re not perfect enough for him. If Jesus was interested in perfection, he would have gone to another planet. Earth is in decay and turmoil. Humanity is fallen and frail. Human personality is fickle beyond belief. Altogether, it’s a perfect situation for the love of God to move through redemptive hope and create wonderful outcomes for individuals who know and trust him.

Consider this. Christ as God lives at all times and all places; there is nothing within the cosmos that his presence and personality do not infuse. But there is one thing this Lord of Creation and King of Kings has never done. He has never had a relationship with you. For this he has patiently waited. Now you’ve arrived, and believe me, he is showing up on your behalf every day and night.

Don’t worry. Christ is not invasive. He will give you plenty of room for privacy. On the other hand, he’ll be thrilled whenever you include him. Have you ever invited the Lord to go with you to a movie? A dance? Walking through the mall? A workout? Have you ever chatted with him while driving around town? Or invited him into your bedroom for a nighttime visit?

The first time I went to Disneyland, I had flown to Southern California to begin a Master’s program in philosophy. I was twenty-three and didn’t know a single person in the state. So I invited Jesus to come along. We rode each ride in the park. Six hours later, I emerged from the Magic Kingdom, my heart pulsing with the pleasure of his company. 

Harder, though, has been my handling of extended periods of loneliness, or making it through certain crises where I felt paralyzed by anxiety. There is nothing so bothersome as loneliness or anxiety, because no one can fix these inner states for us. No one can get deep down to where these feelings exist—no one except the Lord.

Christ has never removed all my emotional pain or confusion. On the other hand, whenever I’ve called upon him or requested guidance from the Holy Spirit, something has shifted inside me or within the circumstance that has helped me make it through. Haven’t you noticed the same thing?

Even so, it wasn’t until my fourth decade of Christian life that I developed the practice of calling upon the Lord throughout every single day.  “Father, please help work out this problem.”  “Jesus, guide me through this situation.” “Holy Spirit, I’m feeling afraid and really need your comfort.” I still have bouts of fear or frustration. Yet I’ve discovered how intensely Christ loves us and how ably the Holy Spirit can impart a measure of serenity even in rough spells.

 I encourage you this week to think about enhancing your adventure in Christ. Focus on making Jesus your life’s organizing principle so that your relationship with him can flourish no matter what.

If you feel distracted by a situation that leaves you disheartened or sour, risk changing it. If another person has hijacked your loyalty to Christ by dominating your attention, pray for the freedom to make Christ number one in your life. If work, hobbies, or even family life has left you with no time for God, ask for grace to touch your heart anew.

Dare to enjoy a spontaneous stream of lively conversations with the Lord as you walk through each day together. He'll love being trusted by you!

For more on finding freedom in Christ, read:

Faith Beyond Church Walls

Your Personality Matters to Christ

Personality is the hallmark of humanness and the gift of a loving God to each one of us. Through personality you share with Jesus the potential for identity, free choices, and intimacy with others. By engaging the Lord with your whole personality, you develop a reciprocal rhythm of communication and communion that lasts a lifetime.

I am convinced that your personality development is more treasured by God than the Milky Way galaxy, the rotation of planets in their orbits, and the entire plant and animal kingdoms. I know it’s hard to believe, but Almighty God has designed Creation as a backdrop against which your personality and relationships can come to the fore in dialogue with him.

There are those who say, “You don’t need to know anything about your personality to please Christ. Just read the Bible, go to church, and keep the Ten Commandments. That’s what God wants from you.” 

Actually, these are good ideas, but only when taken alongside your personality growth in Christ. Personality is the sum total of your thoughts, feelings, and behavior. It is through understanding the workings of your inner life—your personal psychology—that you sustain a bridge of intimacy with the Lord. 

Your personality is as unique as a fingerprint, yet follows laws common to humanity. Knowing and honoring the laws of personality enhances the quality of your interpersonal communication with God. Not knowing these laws, or unwittingly violating them, diminishes or even cripples your individuality and relationship with Christ. 

But I have good news. There is a simple way to place these laws of personality into perspective: a personality growth tool I call the Self Compass that is scientifically valid and biblically sound. 

The outer circle of the Self Compass symbolizes your selfhood throughout the stages of life. Resembling a physical compass, the four compass points reveal a dynamic tension between Love and Assertion, Weakness and Strength. Combining the first letter of each compass point gives you a convenient way to remember the LAWS of personality and relationships.

The compass points of Love balanced with Assertion, and Weakness balanced with Strength, are essential for a healthy personality. Yet because many people don’t know this, they can favor one compass point at the expense of the others. They become “stuck” on that compass point with rigid behavioral trends that trouble them throughout life, never recognizing that many of their miseries are optional.

In overly using the Love compass point, you develop the dependent trend of feeling unsure of yourself and always needing people’s assurance and approval. 

Exaggerating the Assertion point creates the aggressive trend, where you argue frequently and feel irritated at other people because it seems that your problems are their fault.

Being stuck on the Weakness compass point triggers the withdrawn trend of recurrent helplessness and depression. Fearful of making mistakes, you exchange the adventure of self-development for a morose existence of detached isolation.

People stuck on the Strength compass point feel superior to others and become judgmental perfectionists. This controlling trend makes them bossy and critical, a real pain to be around.

Part of finding your freedom in Christ is this: don’t short-circuit your potential and disappoint God’s calling by getting trapped in a narrow corner of your personality. Rather, live robustly and creatively with your whole Self Compass! 

Here are some quick guidelines for how to get each compass point running smoothly, so you can enjoy the many benefits of compass living. 

Love and Assertion

The first polarity within the Self Compass is Love and Assertion. Love comes from all the times you express kindness, forgiveness, nurturance, fondness for the Lord, or sacrifice for the well-being of someone in need. Love empowers Christian service and supplants selfishness with altruistic caring.

But giving too much love to others lets them take advantage of your resources without replenishing you in return. You’ll likely become a smiling doormat, a person who is secretly depressed, even resentful. 

You need a healthy dose of Assertion to stand up for your reasonable rights, negotiate for fairness in the world, and dare to resist others—and the devil—when pleasing them would counter your guidance from the Holy Spirit.

Think of it this way: Love fosters good will and good cheer, whereas Assertion cultivates self-expression and self-preservation. When you have Love and Assertion operating rhythmically within your personality, you can love yourself and others while enhancing your individuality in Christ. This fulfills the LAWS of personal and relational health.

For example, healthy people can say “yes” as well as “no” to requests that other people make. They can yield to others when compromise is appropriate; yet take firm stands when it isn’t. Like Christ, they respond flexibly to life situations without being stuck in a trend of dependency or aggression.

Maturing as an individual in Christ, then, entails learning to trust your Self Compass and follow your inner marching orders from God. Honoring the rhythm between Love and Assertion increases your fidelity to God’s unfolding will. 

The Holy Spirit faithfully guides you precisely because of your courage and flexibility. Remember Jesus’ promise: “I have said these things while I am still with you. But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything, and remind you of all that I have said to you” (Jn 14: 25-26).

Weakness and Strength

The other polarity of personality is Weakness and Strength. Weakness captures all the times you feel uncertain, vulnerable, anxious, hurt, sad, lonely, fatigued, stressed out, overwhelmed, frustrated, and confused. You might immediately think: “These are bad feelings. I don’t ever want to feel this way.” Yet Christ knows that by admitting your weaknesses and deficiencies, you are made humbly reliant on him.

For those super-person Christians who claim to be strong all the time, I say, “Why don’t you grow more human, like Christ is human? He had moments of loneliness, doubt, frustration, and anguish. Are you greater than the Lord?”

When artfully managed, the Weakness compass point fosters humility and empathy for others who are suffering. Strength, on the other hand, imparts the confidence required to develop your talents, pursue the education you need, interview for jobs, hold your own in relationships, and feel good about your accomplishments. Understood this way, Strength encompasses the occasions when you feel healthy confidence, adequacy, and esteem for yourself or others.

When you integrate Weakness and Strength into your relationship with Christ, you find yourself able to converse with him day and night, asking for blessing and guidance in everything you do. At the same time, you take responsibility for your choices. You do the footwork to make good things happen instead of magically hoping that life will get better. 

If you combine the four compass points into a single prayer, it might go like this:

“God, please strengthen my weaknesses and help me develop humility about my strengths. Show me how to care for people assertively and maintain a caring attitude when I assert myself. Thanks. Amen.”

For more about this, you can read Christian Personality Theory: A Self Compass for Humanity that is co-authored with my wife Kate.

Why Are Men Afraid to Cry?

I first got the message that men don't cry in seventh grade football. The coach put me in as a halfback to run the ball, and two upperclassmen tackles who looked freight trains smashed into me so hard I crumpled to the ground. Not only did I feel humiliated, but worse than that, I couldn't breathe, for one of the boys had hit me in the gut on the way down.

I lay there writhing and struggling for my breath to return, only to hear the coach yell, "Montgomery's just a weak sister! Leave him where he lays." The teams formed up and continued the scrimmage, leaving me in the dust (it literally was a gravel and dirt field, not grass).

When I could breathe again, I crawled to the sideline and eventually stood up, bracing back the tears that wanted to stream. I was learning the secret that most boys and men learn. To keep from being taunted as a wimp, I steeled my spirit, tightened the chest muscles around my heart, and clenched my jaw. Did this mean I was a man?

Not quite. The following year I took my girlfriend to the newly released West Side Story. When Tony—the boy I most identified with—was stabbed and left bleeding to death in a parking lot, his head in Maria's lap, the dam of restraint broke and tears streamed down my cheeks. Moments later my girlfriend took her hand out of my hand, looked at me incredulously, and whispered, "Boys don't cry!" 

That completed my initiation into manhood, and for the next five years nothing in heaven or earth could make me cry. In terms of the Self Compass, I had learned that boys and men are to inhabit the upper quadrants of Strength and Assertion, and only girls and women had access to the lower quadrants of Love and Weakness.

In other words, I learned to appear strong in all situations, and if that didn't work, to get angry. How many billions of us men, do you suppose, are stranded in our human development, because our self-expression prohibits the softer, more tender and vulnerable side of being human?

What I like about the Christian faith is that Jesus, one of the strongest and most assertive men in history, wasn't afraid to cry. When his dear friend Lazarus died,"Jesus wept." Not only did he cry, but he loved with his whole heart, whether it meant loving his Father in heaven, loving his friends and disciples, or loving those who hated him.

It is the whole Self Compass—this willingness to feel and express both Love and Assertion, both Weakness and Strength—that makes Jesus Christ a Savior and Friend who encourages your full human development, whether you are a boy or girl, a man or a woman. 

I don't know about you, but I love this Son of Man and Son of God who bravely endured the cross, and though broken, bruised, and forsaken, continues to open his heart to us, seeking only to make us as whole as he himself is!

By the way, over the years, as I developed the various aspects of my self through the Self Compass model, I not only learned that it was acceptable for men to cry, I also learned how to constructively develop strength and assertion. In fact, I am a black belt in karate.

Crying and karate...they are just two of the ways I know that Jesus is working in and through me to make me more whole. He will do the same for you if you let him.

For more about helping men, women and children develop a whole Self Compass in their personality and relationships, read:

Christian Personality Theory:

A Self Compass for Humanity

How To Trust God and Feel God's Love

Whatever chaos is in the world, whatever governments are in power, and whether Christianity is in or out of favor, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit invite you to walk and talk with them every single day.  

Your communication with the Trinity is not contingent upon external factors, but internal ones. Your whole personality and human nature are the means of communion with God, and that communication is a spontaneous ongoing interaction.

What a pleasure.

What a mystery.

What an adventure!

In developing your individuality in Christ, you speak your mind to God, disclose feelings of every sort, and surrender your life and body to his care. 

The Lord, in turn, may respond by composing sentences in your mind, hugging your heart with tender care, or imparting serenity to your body, a tangible peace that calms your nervous system and melts your muscles.

As in any close bond, conversation with God sometimes sings like poetry, and other times feels uncertain and awkward. If you come to a place where God seems distant and your burden heavy, get back to the basics. Kneel at your bedside for several nights, praying for the rejuvenation of a lively faith. 

The Lord is right there with you. He will help remove any obstacles and rouse your awareness of the Holy Spirit’s power and presence, for “we know that all things work together for good for those who love God,who are called according to his purpose” (Rom 8:28).

There's more on how to trust God and feel his love consistently: 

Faith Beyond Church Walls: Finding Freedom in Christ.

 

Why The Self Compass?

Rita from Lebanon writes in an email:  

"Dr. Dan, did you know a Jesuit priest has translated your book about personality into Arabic? As soon as I read about the Self Compass, everything in my life changed for the better: my relationships with family, friends, even God! I've given the book to everyone I care about, it's so healing and transforming. Everybody should use this model to understand themselves and other people. I'll never be the same!"

Thanks, Rita. I think the Self Compass applies to people of all cultures because it captures the universal "compass points" within human personality. You learn about yourself by finding out where you are located on the Self Compass: 

Do you balance Love with Assertion, or overdo one or the other? Too much love makes you a clinging vine who has no sense of self. Too much assertion makes you argumentative and contrary. By balancing these you can show love (kindness, compassion, empathy, forgiveness) in certain situations, and assertion (self-expression, courage, divergent thinking, and confrontation) in others.

Do you balance Strength with Weakness, or are you stuck with too much Strength in the form of arrogance, or Weakness in the form of helplessness? By balancing these you can feel confident and strong without being cocky or judgmental. And you can feel occasional insecurity, anxiety, or guilt without panicking.

It is this flexibility in your thinking, feeling, and acting that make you mentally healthy and spiritually blessed—reaping the benefits of the Self Compass. 

What I like about Rita is that she's not only discovering the benefits of balancing her own personality, but she's giving the Self Compass to people she knows, and that's a loving thing to do! 

For more have a look at:  

The Self Compass: Charting Your Personality in Christ

God's Healing Love Is Real

I have a story to tell about the beauty of little prayers. One that happened to me as a kid when I played Little League for the Hilton Hornets - a little prayer that took 20 years for an answer.

Our neighbor, Dr. O'Connell, asked me to water his rose garden every day for three weeks that summer while he was away. His rose garden was famous in northern New Mexico. And the cash sounded good. I pictured several movies with buttered popcorn.  

We walked into his rose garden where I saw another world. Red. Orange. Yellow. Wow. A maze of trails among tiers of railroad ties. A jungle of roses, I thought. I pulled down the bill of my Little League cap to cut the sun's glare.

"Remember to fill each rose trough until it's about half full. The sun gets scorching this time of year," he told me. I fidgeted. I didn't like conversation with adults. I wanted to go break in my new baseball glove.

I watered the plants every other day for the first week, reading the labels attached to each stem through the hour ordeal. Double Delight. Queen Elizabeth. Sutter's Gold. 

The second week boredom set in. On Monday I skimped a little on each flower, and thought about the batters I'd be facing that afternoon. A day or so later, we played the Rotary Dukes. It dawned on me I'd missed watering for a couple of days. I shrugged off the worry. How thirsty could they be anyhow? 

On Monday of the third week the flowers looked sort of weak. Petals floated up on the water as I hosed each trough. I gave them an extra amount to help them out. The week passed quickly. I hurled a one-hitter, then hit a triple against the Ready Kilowatts. I forgot the roses entirely.

The following Monday I remembered Dr. O'Connell and his jungle of roses. How many days had the roses gone without water? I felt too frightened to go and check. Fingers of shame squeezed my stomach like a vice. In practice I hit two batters with wild pitches. 

   

I ached with anxiety as I rode my bike home. Mom met me on the porch. She looked awful. "Dr. O'Connell came home today," she said. "All of his roses are dead." 

I wanted to disappear from Earth and never be heard from again. She shook her head and whispered, "He was crying."   

No punishment could have been worse than those words. That night a hideous feeling squirmed in my belly, my heart bursting with remorse. Before going to sleep, I prayed to God that I might someday make amends to Dr. O'Connell, but I knew that nothing could replace the rose garden, now a rose cemetery.  

I avoided Dr. O'Connell for the next 20 years. Oh, I thought about him all right, when I saw him out walking or driving his car. But I made sure he never saw me.  

Meanwhile, I was making progress in developing more of a balanced personality.  I became a doctor of psychology and published the first version of what is now The Self Compass: Charting Your Personality in Christ.

Back in my home town one Christmas, I was out for breakfast when Mary, Dr. O'Connell's daughter, came up to my table.  She asked to join me and we chatted. Then she asked, "Did you know that Dad passed away last month?"

"I'm sorry, Mary," I said, the old guilt flip-flopping in my belly.

"It's okay. He died very peacefully -- thanks to you."

I leaned forward, unsure I'd heard her right. But Mary told me that her father, a lifelong atheist, had come across my book about how Christ works in people's personality. How he read it during the last three days of his life. And how he changed. His last day, he led the family in their first prayer over dinner. And when he died, my book was resting in his lap. 

Tears flooded my vision. Mary gave me a hug: "And Dan, his last journal entry said, 'I know Christ's love is real.'"

At that moment, 20 years of guilt and shame melted away. I'd been unable to do it on my own, but with God's help, I had at last made amends to Dr. O'Connell.

How The Self Compass Works

The Self Compass is a scientifically validated model of personality as well as descriptive of Christ’s behavior as presented in the Gospels. Its great strength is that it helps you assess your own and your partner's ability  to communicate with deepening intimacy.

The complimentary polarities of Love and Assertion, and Weakness and Strength are the LAWS of personality and relationships. Like Christ, healthy people express both tender care and diplomatic assertion. They are competent and strong, yet humbly aware of their weakness. They achieve this balance by maintaining rhythmic access to all four compass points of the Self Compass. By enlisting these compass points in rhythmic dialogue, people find the hidden originality of their selfhood that yields a dynamic, flexible personality.  How does the Self Compass help you develop a richly satisfying love relationship?  It starts by assessing yourself. Take the Love compass point, for instance. Are you loving, but perhaps too loving?  Are you too dependent, too clinging, too needing other people's approval and fearful of their anger to the point that you don't stand up for yourself?  Can you see how this pattern of being stuck on the Love compass point can lead to a devitalized relationship? After all, it's hard to relate to a marshmallow.  What's the answer? Take a trip over to the Assertion compass point and gather up some courage to express a point of view, address unfairness, yet making sure to keep the Love compass point operative with kindness and good cheer. It's the same with the other compass points.  Are you confident, but perhaps too confident?  Do you feel entitled?  Are you overly judgmental and negative?  If you are, you may be stuck on the Strength compass point, which can kill the joy in a relationship. Time for a trip to the Weakness compass point, where you admit that you're not perfect, that you need help sometimes, that you can let someone else in. I hope you are beginning to see how the Self Compass works. We'll be getting into more details in upcoming posts, but in the meantime, for more on how to assess yourself on the Self Compass, and what to do about it, see The Self Compass: Charting Your Personality in Christ.