Tight Spot: How God Comes to Your Rescue

Years ago I sang with two other young men in a group we called The Brotherhood. We sang and gave our testimonies at churches, prisons, army bases, and college campuses. The gymnasium for tonight’s concert was in an older part of St. Louis, Missouri. The crowd of several hundred people were seating themselves.

An hour into the concert I noticed the pastor who had invited us walking hurriedly toward the stage. He appeared agitated and had a frown on his face. At this point Rick was doing a solo and John stood next to him, his head bowed in prayer. The pastor motioned to me. I stepped down to the side of the stage.

“Dan,” the pastor said, “we've got big trouble. A youth gang is gathering outside the gym right now. They've been very violent around here the past few months. Their leader's been jailed for assault. We’ve got to end the concert and get people safely to their cars before things get out of hand.”

My heart started pounding. I remembered my days as a violent teenager before I came to Jesus. I knew all too well the feeling of a fight brewing. John glanced quizzically my way. Rick continued playing the piano and singing. I looked out at the audience and felt a lump in my throat. 

How can all this be ruined? I wondered. Do something, God! I prayed. Can You please handle the gang?

“Dan,” the pastor said, grabbing my arm, “we don't have much time. Get up on the stage and call it quits.”

At that moment I felt propelled forward. “I’ll be right back,” I found myself saying to the pastor. I walked right past him and out the front door. I stepped into the moonlit night and came face-to-face with about twenty young men who stood there, silently staring at me. They had red bandanas tied around their foreheads, and wore an odd assortment of army fatigues and leather jackets. 

 

I felt guided to walk straight up to the leader, a big guy standing out in front. He wore a black leather vest,  showing nothing underneath but big pectorals. His piercing eyes locked onto mine. The gang formed a curtain around us both, cutting off my exit.

“Hi,” I said.

He grunted.

“I'm Dan,” I said. “We're having a great time inside the gym. Why don't you and your friends come inside and sit up front?”

Looking at me like I was from another planet, the gang leader flexed his biceps, and grinned incredulously at his buddies.

“We come to bust up yo' party.  What you doin' invitin' us in?” he challenged.

I ran out of words. Lord! I shouted from inside myself. Help!  

A moment later a calmness poured through me as though the Holy Spirit was clothing Himself in my skin. I stepped forward and gave the gang leader a big hug.  

He stood there frozen for a few seconds. Still holding his shoulders, I stepped back and looked deep into his eyes. I glimpsed pain underneath his bravado. I took a deep breath and said, “I love you, man. And so does God. Follow me.”

He didn't hit or grab me, so I turned around and started walking back toward the front door of the gym. I could hear feet shuffling behind me. Without looking back I led the parade of young toughs right up to the front of the stage. John's and Rick's eyes bugged out, but they kept singing. The gang members seated themselves on the hardwood floor a few feet in front of us.

The pastor was standing toward the back, looking tense. I walked up the stage stairs and whispered to John to start some hand-clapping songs. He started playing an upbeat tune from a group called Ocean:

Put your hand in the hand of the Man who stilled the waters,

Put your hand in the hand of the Man who calmed the sea,

Take a look at yourself, and you will surely see,

Put your hand in the hand of the Man from Galilee.

I could hardly believe my eyes when the gang leader began clapping along with the music.  One by one, each member of the red bandana gang joined in. By the time we closed with the chorus of “Amazing Grace,” these young men were singing loudly, tears running down many a cheek.   

I never thought I’d be watching the transformation of twenty young toughs who came to fight and left with a new song in their hearts.

I will sing a new song to You, O God,

On a harp of ten strings I will sing praises to You!

—Psalm 144:9 

How To Grow A Christlike Personality

Jesus Christ doesn’t need to change, because he is sinless and lived his life on Earth without sin. So Jesus is the exception. The only exception! Everyone else, you and me included, does need to change if we want to grow more like Christ.

Why? Because over time, we form personality patterns as a way of coping with fear. Someone who blames and attacks, arguing to handle problems, fears trusting others, fearing they will take advantage of him. 

Regardless of why we formed these patterns, however, each of us is responsible for our own behavior. We each need to acknowledge that one or more patterns  hamper our relationships with others and our own growth as a human being. 

Self Compass Personality Patterns Chart

 

The Personality Patterns Chart above shows how manipulative strategies keep each personality pattern intact, unless you surrender to the path of growth offered by transforming your personality in Christ. 

• The Dependent Pleaser and Histrionic Storyteller are stuck with too much Love on the Self Compass. 
• The Paranoid Arguer and Antisocial Rule-breaker are stuck with too much Assertion. 
• The Avoidant Worrier and Schizoid Loner are stuck with too much Weakness.
• The Narcissistic Boaster and Compulsive Controller are stuck with too much Strength.

If you’re interested in finding out which patterns you overly rely on, try out the informal personality inventory in The Self Compass:Charting Your Personality in Christ.

Your score levels may indicate you have some personal and interpersonal difficulties that can be traced to this pattern. Taking the growth stretches sprinkled throughout the book or considering counseling will assist your growth.

As you monitor your progress over several months, eventually these action steps will lead to the healthy integration of this compass point into your life and personality. You will appreciate the freedom for creative living that arises from personality wholeness.

It’s common to have a mixture of personality patterns, even ones that seem to contradict each other, like the Pleaser pattern in certain situations and the Arguer pattern in others. As you read about each pattern, you proceed by targeting the highest score for concentrated prayer and growth stretches. When you begin to make discernible progress, shift your attention to the next pattern and work on it. 

Eventually, your Self Compass will break free from the patterns that imprison you. The outcome of this change, sometimes dramatic and other times subtle, is increasing serenity, improved relationships, and deepening trust in yourself and God.

Deepening Trust In God

You will also gain a kind of x-ray vision into the true motives of other people’s behavior. With this comes the ability to resist manipulation that would otherwise cause you harm, for as Jesus counsels, we all need to grow “wise as serpents and innocent as doves” (Mt 10:16).

The principles you learn will enrich and heal your relationships in single or married life. If you are raising children, the Self Compass is a trustworthy guide to helping them form healthy and balanced personalities. This is called the actualizing process—the shift from living through manipulative patterns toward Christ-like personality wholeness. 

How Christians Can Confront A Problem Relationship

Danny Charles’ mother stood a mere five feet tall, yet to him she seemed a Goliath. Ever since he could remember, she was pushing him forward into the world of people, regardless of how shy and introverted he felt.

He recalled a scene from childhood.

Mother dragged me by the wrist downtown to the shoe store. I was about ten-years-old. “Mr. Hoffman,” she told the owner of the store in a high-pitched voice, “Get five pairs of shoes out here right this minute. Danny needs a new pair for his birthday party. Do you have any colors other than black?  Black is so dull!”

Mr. Hoffman hopped back and forth like a rabbit, opening so many shoeboxes it looked like Christmas. Wrapping paper and empty boxes were everywhere.

Other people came into the store, but they had to wait. “There’s the perfect pair,’ she exclaimed, pointing to a red pair of tie-up shoes. I cringed. I’d be the laughingstock of my school. My stomach swirled. “Don’t you just love them?” she asked without waiting for my reply. “Wrap them up in nice paper, Mr. Hoffman. Danny loves them!”

 

This forty-year-old man vividly remembered many such episodes. And he shared more:

It wasn’t just the shoe store. I felt invaded daily, my dignity tromped upon and my feelings disparaged. My chest often felt numb with tension and my stomach cramped with unexpressed anger. Anger was not allowed in our home, unless it was Mother’s anger.  She didn’t get angry just at home. The older I got, the more I noticed that Mom was loud, aggressive and outspoken everywhere, except when she wanted to make a good impression. Then she’d instantly change, becoming all smiles, sweetness and charm. Yet no one dared mention her anxiety and driving need to control everyone, especially me.

Danny Charles’ mother handled his adult life with the same antagonism and smothering nosiness. She opposed his vocation, took a strong stand against his marriage and contradicted whatever he believed in. In his thirties, he thought, I don’t know who I am.  My mother dominates my thoughts, feelings and actions. God help me!

Danny Charles learned in psychotherapy about the Self Compass and applied it vigorously to heal his personality. He took growth stretches into Assertion and Strength to find the courage to cut the psychological umbilical cord to his mother. He wanted Jesus Christ to be the center of his life.

He flourished in his new growth, and developed his career interests with passion. Danny Charles finally made his declaration of independence from his mother. He got her moodiness and negativity out of his core. For the first time, he lived life with freedom and joy, trusting the divine Spirit of Christ to guide him daily.

Then the strangest thing happened. He felt God calling him to return to his mother and help her. “No way!” he said to the still, small voice. “I can’t stand to have anything to do with Mom ever again!” But over months the gentle voice prevailed. “Danny,” the voice explained, “I’ve set you free to be your real self. You’ve learned how to stand on your own feet, handle vulnerability, assert yourself and love others. Now it’s time to love your mother.”

Reluctantly, Danny Charles made arrangements to spend several months living with his mother. She was now eighty-years-old, and her contrary ways had put off her other children and grandchildren. Her husband had died. She lived alone.

Their first months together were stormy. His mother wasn’t about to hear from her son what she had avoided hearing for a lifetime. He’d try to delicately bring into her awareness how her constant criticisms drove people away. She’d explode into tirades.

The fourth month Danny Charles had a reckoning with God. “Dear Lord, you sent me here to help Mom, but she’s only getting worse. I’m going crazy. I’ll stay one more week and then I’m leaving until she dies.”

Inner Voice of the Lord

A few days later Danny Charles and his mother took a trip together to a town sixty miles away. In the middle of the drive, the inner voice of the Lord prompted Danny Charles to go for broke. He took a breath and started speaking softly, but firmly. 

“Mom, I’ve got to say a few things and I’d appreciate it if you’d just listen.” He saw her set her jaw, stiffen her neck and glare straight ahead. “You were raised as a child piano prodigy and had your own radio show by the age of twelve. They called you ‘Queen of the Air.’

“By thirteen you played for two civic clubs in town. You were the most colorful and talented of your ten brothers and sisters. Everybody thought you were the center of the universe, including you. All your childhood confidence turned you into a sassy know-it-all. As an adult and a parent you believed that the world was at your command.

“At home, to get your way you threw temper tantrums and harangued for hours. And to the townspeople you put on smiles one minute and snap at them the next. I’ve been trying to have a two-way conversation with you my whole life, but it’s been impossible. You butt in, jump to conclusions, and get defensive to keep from hearing the truth about your own behavior.

“I just want to say there’s a better way. For whatever years you have left, you can choose to become a positive and caring woman who uses humor and affection instead of aggression and contrariness. I love you, but I know that if you don’t change soon, you’ll die without ever having had a single decent conversation with your own son.”

His mother sat in silence for the next ten minutes. Her face looked pale, her arms folded over her chest and her neck slightly bowed. Then she spoke in a quiet voice. “Danny Charles, every word you’ve said is true. I’ve never understood my life until just now. God has spoken to me through you.”

Over the next two weeks, Anna changed so noticeably that all the family members could talk of little else. She showed some humility now, shared the limelight with others and listened while others spoke. Her old arrogance shifted into quiet confidence. Her aggression all but disappeared. Instead, she demonstrated good cheer and a wonderful ability to build people up. Whether through phone calls in person at family get-togethers, Anna could be counted on to say a hearty, “I love you and may the Lord bless you!”

The Self Compass

The story of Danny Charles and his mother Anna shows how anyone can change, even in fundamental ways, as long as they live.  

By accepting God’s grace and applying the principles of the Self Compass, you can find your way home to personality wholeness and balanced relationships with others and with God, who cares about your personality.

I know.  I’m Danny Charles.

Dan Montgomery

Dan Montgomery's Scriptural Self Compass

Kate and I have recently seen the need for a new expression of the Self Compass, one that shows how key Scriptures can contribute toward a balanced walk with Christ. 

Scriptural Self Compass

Love: “But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect” (1 Pet 3:15).

Assertion: “(An elder) must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it” (Titus 1:9).

Weakness: “These are the ones I look on with favor: those who are humble and contrite in spirit, and who tremble at my word” (Ps 25:8-9).

Strength: “Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint” (Isa 40:31).

The wisdom of the Self Compass is that it helps you cultivate the very rhythms of grace seen in Christ's personality through the Gospels. We need Jesus as our personality model, and we need the whole of Scripture, including both Old and New Testaments, to influence our personality and relationships.

I encourage you to meditate on each of these Scriptural Compass points, and connect them with a visualization of yourself putting them into action. 

For the Love compass point, picture yourself cultivating gentleness and respect for family, co-workers, neighbors, and even strangers.

For the Assertion compass point imagine holding firm with Christian values and refuting worldly influences from television, movies, and literature that would otherwise corrupt your Christian orthodoxy.

For the Weakness compass point, pray that the Holy Spirit might help you become more humble and contrite, because the Lord draws near to us when we confess our needs to him.

For the Strength compass point remember to call upon the power of the Lord to renew your strength you in times of adversity or challenge. He will do it!

Keep the Scriptural Self Compass in mind day and night, for these LAWS of personality and godly guidance are meant to bring you ready assistance in a vast array of life situations. Join Kate and me in this prayer:

"Dear God, thank you for the love you show me. Please show me how to assert myself in gracious ways. I humbly call on you in weakness, knowing by faith that you will always strengthen me. In Jesus' name, Amen."

Trust In God's Love for You!

Your relationship with Christ encompasses your personality and human nature. How does this work?

Innumerable millions have known and loved Jesus Christ, both now and throughout the ages. God has made redemption through Christ so simple that even children can experience the Lord. 

The bottom line is that God has taken care of the sin problem afflicting humanity by allowing his Son Jesus to die on the cross in our place. It is interesting to note that among world religions and pagan philosophies, Christianity stands alone in witnessing to the Incarnation of Christ, his atonement for sin, and God’s pursuit of intimacy with each person.

 

The Jews didn’t put Christ on the cross, nor did the Romans. I put Christ on the cross. And so did you. By confessing our sins and asking for God’s forgiveness, grace is imparted to us and we are redeemed. We find ourselves saying inwardly by the power of the Holy Spirit, “I am the Lord’s child and God is my Papa!”  

This is where the fun begins. God didn’t give us the most precious gift imaginable so that we can sit on our hands, much less that we become boring religious copycats who spend all day trying to be good.

From the creation of humankind, God has looked for individuals to become his friends and playmates: gutsy romantic risk-takers who respond to his love for them. The next time you read the Gospels notice how much Jesus enjoyed the wedding of Cana, how transparently he comes across with Peter and the gang, how forcefully he raises his buddy Lazarus from the dead, and how sternly he rebukes the religious rule-keepers who want to make his disciples as miserable as themselves.

 

The Lord isn’t trying to get you to copycat the lives of dead saints or act like people in the first century. He’s trying to get you up and running as an original in Christ, a person who lives on the cutting edge of the twenty-first century. He wants to awaken your mind, heart, and body so that you are aware and choosing—a lively dialogue partner who brings him delight and relates to him with creative fidelity.

Nothing in regard to your human experience is beyond Christ’s comprehension, nor should you hold back in shame or fear that you’re not perfect enough for him. If Jesus was interested in perfection, he would have gone to another planet. Earth is in decay and turmoil. Humanity is fallen and frail. Human personality is fickle beyond belief. Altogether, it’s a perfect situation for the love of God to move through redemptive hope and create wonderful outcomes for individuals who know and trust him.

Consider this. Christ as God lives at all times and all places; there is nothing within the cosmos that his presence and personality do not infuse. But there is one thing this Lord of Creation and King of Kings has never done. He has never had a relationship with you. For this he has patiently waited. Now you’ve arrived, and believe me, he is showing up on your behalf every day and night.

Don’t worry. Christ is not invasive. He will give you plenty of room for privacy. On the other hand, he’ll be thrilled whenever you include him. Have you ever invited the Lord to go with you to a movie? A dance? Walking through the mall? A workout? Have you ever chatted with him while driving around town? Or invited him into your bedroom for a nighttime visit?

The first time I went to Disneyland, I had flown to Southern California to begin a Master’s program in philosophy. I was twenty-three and didn’t know a single person in the state. So I invited Jesus to come along. We rode each ride in the park. Six hours later, I emerged from the Magic Kingdom, my heart pulsing with the pleasure of his company. 

Harder, though, has been my handling of extended periods of loneliness, or making it through certain crises where I felt paralyzed by anxiety. There is nothing so bothersome as loneliness or anxiety, because no one can fix these inner states for us. No one can get deep down to where these feelings exist—no one except the Lord.

Christ has never removed all my emotional pain or confusion. On the other hand, whenever I’ve called upon him or requested guidance from the Holy Spirit, something has shifted inside me or within the circumstance that has helped me make it through. Haven’t you noticed the same thing?

Even so, it wasn’t until my fourth decade of Christian life that I developed the practice of calling upon the Lord throughout every single day.  “Father, please help work out this problem.”  “Jesus, guide me through this situation.” “Holy Spirit, I’m feeling afraid and really need your comfort.” I still have bouts of fear or frustration. Yet I’ve discovered how intensely Christ loves us and how ably the Holy Spirit can impart a measure of serenity even in rough spells.

 I encourage you this week to think about enhancing your adventure in Christ. Focus on making Jesus your life’s organizing principle so that your relationship with him can flourish no matter what.

If you feel distracted by a situation that leaves you disheartened or sour, risk changing it. If another person has hijacked your loyalty to Christ by dominating your attention, pray for the freedom to make Christ number one in your life. If work, hobbies, or even family life has left you with no time for God, ask for grace to touch your heart anew.

Dare to enjoy a spontaneous stream of lively conversations with the Lord as you walk through each day together. He'll love being trusted by you!

For more on finding freedom in Christ, read:

Faith Beyond Church Walls

Church Curriculum and Christian Psychology

My wife Kate and I are discovering that a wide range of churches are adopting our Compass Series books for the purposes of adult education and pastoral ministry. 

We see God's hand in this since our life mission seeks to locate Jesus Christ as the dynamic center of spiritual and psychological health. In light of this, we are gratified that Raymond Pendleton, ordained minister, psychologist, and Professor of Pastoral Psychology at Gordon-Conwell Seminary , says, "Dan and Kate Montgomery are making psychology safe for Christianity." 

The Compass Series books provide individuals, pastors, and churches with reliable principles of health psychology  integrated with Christian orthodoxy: namely, the divinity and humanity of Christ, the plenary verbal inspiration of Scripture, the Nicene and Apostles' Creeds, and the foundational doctrine of one God in three Persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. 

We thought you might be interested in a brief description of each book's relevance to church life and Christian formation and discipleship. To view the table of contents and first chapter on Amazon through 'Search Inside the Book,' click on the titles below.

1. The Self Compass: Charting Your Personality In Christ. Used as a book study or adult class text. Includes a study guide. Helps congregants take action in developing healthy personality and relationships. An early chapter provides a Self Compass Inventory, followed by practical growth steps in every chapter for becoming more Christlike. Mike McGuire at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary writes, "In this book you will see yourself, and what you see will make you want to change by drawing closer to God and applying God's Word to your life."

2. Faith Beyond Church Walls: Finding Freedom in Christ. An inspirational how-to-grow-in Christ book for new Christians and those who desire a closer walk with God. Thompson Mathew, Dean of Theology & Missions at Oral Roberts University, writes, "A heart warming conversation and invitation, Dr. Dan Montgomery does not attack the Church nor whitewash her blemishes. His concern is with the individual needing healing and wholeness. His well developed personality theory and some very moving personal stories inspire hope which heals people and their relationships through Jesus Christ."

3. Trusting in the Trinity. An exciting book choice for adult classes, since the Trinity underlies all Christian doctrine, yet remains obscure to most Christians. Clearly identifies the Trinity as the foundation of persons and relationships. Shows the Trinitarian significance of personality, justification by grace, human nature, love, marriage, miracles, prayer, science, psychology, and the Bible. Expositor's Bible Commentary Editor Tremper Longman III writes, "A thoroughly biblical Trinitarian theology that can transform our life and relationships. I recommend it to all who take their faith and their soul seriously." 

4. Christian Personality Theory: A Self Compass for Humanity. Provides a Christian alternative to Freudian, Jungian, humanistic, and cognitive-behavioral personality theories. Helps people think in Christian ways about child-rearing, adolescent development, marital communication, and personality transformation. Great for a class that seeks intellectual stimulation as well as spiritual inspiration. Darcia Narvaez at University of Notre Dame writes, "I am fascinated by the Self Compass. The growth orientation of the Compass Model offers a transformation mindset that can benefit any reader. Well done!" 

5. Compass Psychotheology: Where Psychology and Theology Really Meet. For those who are maturing in their Christian faith, this book integrates Old and New Testament Scripture with the best insights from health psychology. Provides pastors and lay ministers with a depth understanding of people's behavioral dynamics, increasing their capability to minister over the lifespan to the complex individual and couple needs of our day. Gordon Fee, Editor, New International Commentary on the New Testament writes, "Dan Montgomery's Christian personality theory is innovative and biblically sound." 

The following books are designed to strengthen pastoral ministers, and Christian professional and lay counselors.

6. Pastoral Counseling and Coaching: Compass Therapy in Churches. This book empowers pastoral resourcefulness in meeting the diverse needs of the contemporary church. The church is a natural home for healing and counseling, and enjoys a long tradition of caring for souls. Case studies show how to excel at the level of counseling you are comfortable with, while referring more complex cases to a licensed therapist. Most of all, it shows how to stay fresh in your ministry without being overwhelmed by people's needs. Abigail Evans at Princeton Theological Seminary says: "Brings God's healing into congregational life."

7. Christian Counseling That Really Works: Compass Therapy in Action. The Church's mission involves preaching the Gospel of Christ as well as implementing it in people's lives. This means using techniques of transformation that help move people forward through the various crises and life passages they encounter. Linda Marten at Dallas Theological Seminary writes: "Through the Compass Therapy framework and many techniques Dan Montgomery utilizes, you can see examples of Christ's love coming alive in the counseling session. I appreciate his insights and focus on healing the whole person (mind, body, spirit, and emotions). This is what good Christian counseling looks like!" 

God's Healing Love Is Real

I have a story to tell about the beauty of little prayers. One that happened to me as a kid when I played Little League for the Hilton Hornets - a little prayer that took 20 years for an answer.

Our neighbor, Dr. O'Connell, asked me to water his rose garden every day for three weeks that summer while he was away. His rose garden was famous in northern New Mexico. And the cash sounded good. I pictured several movies with buttered popcorn.  

We walked into his rose garden where I saw another world. Red. Orange. Yellow. Wow. A maze of trails among tiers of railroad ties. A jungle of roses, I thought. I pulled down the bill of my Little League cap to cut the sun's glare.

"Remember to fill each rose trough until it's about half full. The sun gets scorching this time of year," he told me. I fidgeted. I didn't like conversation with adults. I wanted to go break in my new baseball glove.

I watered the plants every other day for the first week, reading the labels attached to each stem through the hour ordeal. Double Delight. Queen Elizabeth. Sutter's Gold. 

The second week boredom set in. On Monday I skimped a little on each flower, and thought about the batters I'd be facing that afternoon. A day or so later, we played the Rotary Dukes. It dawned on me I'd missed watering for a couple of days. I shrugged off the worry. How thirsty could they be anyhow? 

On Monday of the third week the flowers looked sort of weak. Petals floated up on the water as I hosed each trough. I gave them an extra amount to help them out. The week passed quickly. I hurled a one-hitter, then hit a triple against the Ready Kilowatts. I forgot the roses entirely.

The following Monday I remembered Dr. O'Connell and his jungle of roses. How many days had the roses gone without water? I felt too frightened to go and check. Fingers of shame squeezed my stomach like a vice. In practice I hit two batters with wild pitches. 

   

I ached with anxiety as I rode my bike home. Mom met me on the porch. She looked awful. "Dr. O'Connell came home today," she said. "All of his roses are dead." 

I wanted to disappear from Earth and never be heard from again. She shook her head and whispered, "He was crying."   

No punishment could have been worse than those words. That night a hideous feeling squirmed in my belly, my heart bursting with remorse. Before going to sleep, I prayed to God that I might someday make amends to Dr. O'Connell, but I knew that nothing could replace the rose garden, now a rose cemetery.  

I avoided Dr. O'Connell for the next 20 years. Oh, I thought about him all right, when I saw him out walking or driving his car. But I made sure he never saw me.  

Meanwhile, I was making progress in developing more of a balanced personality.  I became a doctor of psychology and published the first version of what is now The Self Compass: Charting Your Personality in Christ.

Back in my home town one Christmas, I was out for breakfast when Mary, Dr. O'Connell's daughter, came up to my table.  She asked to join me and we chatted. Then she asked, "Did you know that Dad passed away last month?"

"I'm sorry, Mary," I said, the old guilt flip-flopping in my belly.

"It's okay. He died very peacefully -- thanks to you."

I leaned forward, unsure I'd heard her right. But Mary told me that her father, a lifelong atheist, had come across my book about how Christ works in people's personality. How he read it during the last three days of his life. And how he changed. His last day, he led the family in their first prayer over dinner. And when he died, my book was resting in his lap. 

Tears flooded my vision. Mary gave me a hug: "And Dan, his last journal entry said, 'I know Christ's love is real.'"

At that moment, 20 years of guilt and shame melted away. I'd been unable to do it on my own, but with God's help, I had at last made amends to Dr. O'Connell.