Death of A Loved One: The End, or A New Beginning?

For those of you who have followed my lifelong work (books, spiritual direction, and psychotherapy), carried on with my beloved and magnificent wife Kate, I need to share with you (so prepare yourself).

Kate passed away on July 5, 2019.

Oh my God! I was shocked and absolutely devastated. Annihilation is a good term for the inner chaos and nothingness that gripped my soul. I hardly remember the whole month of July. It felt like I was having open heart surgery every day. The emotional pain around my heart area felt like a knife had been plunged there.

On the other hand, there was a profound and surprising bright side. Kate has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's over a year ago, and the doctor believed it had begun long before that. She was also suffering with heart problems, and intractable pain from two recent back surgeries.

Nonetheless, what had kept her intellectually alert for so long was her vigor to always read new books, always begin writing a new one of our books (which she did the very week of her diagnosis!), always learn a new Tango or Salsa step, and always have invigorating and intimate conversations with me. Talk about bearing the Fruit of the Holy Spirit!

In Memory of the Magnificent Kate Montgomery

Even though we both saw the ravaging decline in her capabilities over this past year, I can tell you she prayed her heart out and tried her best to keep some kind of hardiness throughout her deteriorating condition. This in the face of agonizing memory lapses, memory erasures, and occasional severe identity confusion.

I let my private practice go during the last nine months so that I could attend to her. Through God's compassionate empowerment, we managed to experience the most peace, joy, and love we had ever known. But there was an ever-menacing dark side. Kate would slip into borderline personality episodes, where she would be overwhelmed by paranoia and thrown into bouts of rage -- then remember nothing of this the following day.

I felt so sorry for her, and would often stand over her while she slept at night, my hands raised in holy supplication for God to keep the nightmares away. I was also deeply moved that in lucid moments Kate's concern was for my well-being after she passed. She wanted me to continue with my Grand Adventure in Christ, which started at my conversion to Jesus Christ at the age of seventeen. And she said she would be watching over me as soon as she died and went to heaven.

She said the week before she died, "Danny, go ahead and grieve my passing for a season. But then rejoice in the Holy Spirit that I'm happy with Jesus and all who are in heaven. You must get out and date again. If you don't, I'll kill you -- just kidding. I know how relational you are. I want you to know that I won't feel jealous if you date and fall in love again. In fact, I'll be cheering you on with the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost!"

What a brave and compassionate woman, this glorious soulmate/wife I loved for 30 years! In fact, we had just celebrated our 30th anniversary shortly before she died.

Dr. Dan and Montgomery - 30 Year Anniversary

 Dear friends, it's been about 3 months since God took Kate home peacefully in her sleep. I am thrilled to know that because of Jesus Christ she is whole and happy and united with the heavenly family of God.

Kate Montgomery Resurrected by the Holy Spirit As She Died!

I miss her terribly, and every now and then another 90 foot tsunami smacks me down into heartbreak and heartache. But each time the Holy Spirit provides a ready help in my time of need. By God's grace, I am invariably revived and rejuvenated.

I KNOW NOW THERE IS LIFE AFTER DEATH OF A LOVED ONE. I BELIEVE THAT OUR ADVENTURE IN CHRIST ALWAYS MOVES FORWARD. WE CAN BY HELPED BY THE SPIRIT TO GRADUALLY, AND EVER SO SLOWLY, REPLACE FEAR AND LOSS WITH FAITH AND HOPE. THE BODY OF CHRIST ON EARTH WILL SEE US THROUGH!

And I'm determined to live life abundantly, as Jesus said. I do this for Kate's sake, for Jesus' sake, for my sake, and for your sake.

Thanks so much for your love, prayers, and support—and your special love for Kate Montgomery!

Catholic Cardinals and Pope Benedict XVI Commend Dr. Dan Montgomery's GOD AND YOUR PERSONALITY Book

The Cardinal's response caught me by surprise. A number of years ago, the Pauline Sisters of Boston (Pauline Books & Media) invited me to write a book that became published worldwide, titled GOD AND YOUR PERSONALITY. 

Dr. Dan Montgomery

I sent a copy to a Vatican Cardinal, with little expectation of a response, due to his impacted schedule. But a few weeks later, there came in the mail these comments:

“Dr. Dan Montgomery’s Christian personality theory 

demonstrates a good understanding of the human person's 

proper resting place in the embrace of a transcendent God. 

This is no New Age influenced waffle 

clouded in a mystique of blurb, 

but a useful tool for all those 

who seek to address personality issues 

and quench their innate spiritual thirst 

with the living water which truly satisfies. 

Well done!” 

Paul Cardinal Poupard

President Emeritus Vatican Council for Culture 

Paul Cardinal Poupard

How did I come to write this book in the first place? 

One afternoon I received a phone call from Sister Mary Mark, the  Pauline Books & Media Editor at that time. Since they enjoy an excellent worldwide reputation, I was pleased to hear from her. 

Sister Mary Mark said she had read some of my books and articles and felt guided to ask me this question: 

"As a Psychologist and Theologian, could you please write a book that we can publish that integrates spirituality with psychology, and that includes the Holy Spirit?" 

"I would be thrilled to do just that," I replied, remembering to breathe, "for I consider such a topic my life calling."

With my wife Kate's abundant assistance, and the anointing of the Holy Spirit, I wrote God and Your Personality in three weeks.  

I felt honored to receive this commendation from Vatican Archbishop Robert Sarah, Secretary of the Vatican Council for the Evangelization of Peoples:

“This book is easy to understand and yet contains a profound understanding of the underlying elements of the human personality. It will surely be of much help to anyone who wishes to deepen their knowledge of the relationship between psychological and spiritual wholeness.”

 

Archbishop Robert Sarah

That year, other Cardinals also commended God and Your Personality: 
 

• Ricardo Cardinal Vidal, Manila:

“God & Your Personality is a noble accomplishment and a gift to individuals who seek wholeness and holiness.”

Ricardo Cardinal Vidal

• Erdo Cardinal Peter, Budapest: 

“God & Your Personality is a fine achievement and wonderful contribution to the healing ministry.”

Erdo Cardinal Peter

• Stephen Cardinal Kim, Seoul:

“I am now reading God & Your Personality and find it very enlightening.”

Stephen Cardinal Kim

Kate and I were privileged to be invited to spend a weekend with the Sisters in Boston soon after the book's publication, where we met Sister Mary Mark, who offered to hire Kate as an editor! We participated in Evensong Mass, sharing the Eucharist together. We were deeply moved in hearing the Pauline Sisters Chorale, and in feeling a holy thickening of the atmosphere under the power of the Holy Spirit.

This story is even more extraordinary: While I am an Evangelical, Ecumenical, and Spirit-filled Christian—affirming the Apostle's Creed, the Divine Inspiration of Scripture, the Communion of Saints, and revere Mary, the Mother of Jesus, I am not a Roman Catholic. I was converted to Jesus Christ at 17. By the time I entered college, the Holy Spirit instructed me to become as well read in all things Catholic as I was in all things Protestant. 

During college, by the interior teaching of the Holy Spirit I understood that toward the end of life, the books God had chosen me to write would be sought by Catholic and Protestant Christians around the world, a living testimony to St. Paul's words: "There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of us all, who is above all and through all and in all” (Eph 4:4-6 RSVCE)."

So beyond John Calvin, Martin Luther, and John Wesley, the Spirit guided me to read the works of St. Augustine, St. Anselm, St. Bonaventure, St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Theresa of Avila, St. John of the Cross, Trappist priest Thomas Merton, Catholic Philosopher Gabriel Marcel, Karl Rahner, Jesuit Philosopher of History, Frederick Copleston, and to attend many Catholic masses and Monastery retreats. 

I can therefore say with all my heart that I treasure all Catholics as my brothers and sisters in Christ. And I am humbly grateful for the fact that there is a copy of God and Your Personality in The Vatican Library, and (according to his personal theologian) a copy of this book in Pope Benedict XVI's personal library. 

Pope Benedict XVI

Using the Catechism of the Catholic Church, Second Edition as one of my sources, I recently wrote a revised and expanded version of the original book now available in both print and Kindle form on Amazon:

God and Your Personality

I Believe in God. Why is My Life Falling Apart?

THE OVERTURE

Your feet imprint the dirt path as you take each step across the plain. A dust devil swirls and lifts, then propels its load toward you. Jerking your arm up to protect your face has little effect. The sand is all. Filling your mouth, nostrils. Blinding with grit. Choking you with thirst.

Do you suppose this is part of Jesus’ experience when the Holy Spirit drives him into the wilderness? (Mk 1:12). Not guided. No suggested itinerary. But driven.

Driven to meet wild beasts. Hunger, Thirst. Loneliness. And after forty days and nights of this, comes temptation by the devil.

Apparently the Holy Spirit has no hesitation getting to the heart of the matter: Will you be true to the Lord your God, even when life gets impossible?

Because when you give your life to Christ, the Holy Spirit enters your being as the Father’s driving power.

The consequences are disconcerting. Uncontrollable, even. Frequently you are driven to face the force of a sandstorm. And stopped in your tracks.

This is not a life of obvious glory. 

Father, you say. How can I be in your will when my life is falling apart?

Finally, you wonder: Lord God, what do you really want from me?

Ah, replies the Holy Spirit. Thank you for asking. Please hear what is in my heart for you:

Ho, come! Thirst for me. Learn to know me as I know you. For if you surrender in your weakness, and love the Lord your God, I have the power to bless you with wholeness (Isaiah 55:1-2; 60:22).

Wholeness?

Yes. Wholeness.

Through my refining fire, grow more like Christ. More your own true self. Mature in loving God and others as you love yourself (Luke 10:27).

You pause. Then: I think I understand, Lord. You want me to confront myself, to assess my beliefs, and improve my relationships with others, and with God.

You recognize the challenge. You see there will still be tribulation. How else can one turn away from the human temptation of self will? Of sorting out how to live in a fallen world?

Yet you recall: When Jesus rebukes the devil, when he rejects the external temptations of glory, at last the angels come. The angels come and surround him. They minister to his needs and comfort him (Matthew 4:11).

Sent by the Father, through the power of the Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit, now part of your spiritual core, asserts power on your behalf.

All the while driving you deeper into the Trinity way.

The Triune God. Who will be taken seriously. Even in the 21^st century.

TRUSTING IN THE TRINITY