Death of A Loved One: The End, or A New Beginning?

For those of you who have followed my lifelong work (books, spiritual direction, and psychotherapy), carried on with my beloved and magnificent wife Kate, I need to share with you (so prepare yourself).

Kate passed away on July 5, 2019.

Oh my God! I was shocked and absolutely devastated. Annihilation is a good term for the inner chaos and nothingness that gripped my soul. I hardly remember the whole month of July. It felt like I was having open heart surgery every day. The emotional pain around my heart area felt like a knife had been plunged there.

On the other hand, there was a profound and surprising bright side. Kate has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's over a year ago, and the doctor believed it had begun long before that. She was also suffering with heart problems, and intractable pain from two recent back surgeries.

Nonetheless, what had kept her intellectually alert for so long was her vigor to always read new books, always begin writing a new one of our books (which she did the very week of her diagnosis!), always learn a new Tango or Salsa step, and always have invigorating and intimate conversations with me. Talk about bearing the Fruit of the Holy Spirit!

In Memory of the Magnificent Kate Montgomery

Even though we both saw the ravaging decline in her capabilities over this past year, I can tell you she prayed her heart out and tried her best to keep some kind of hardiness throughout her deteriorating condition. This in the face of agonizing memory lapses, memory erasures, and occasional severe identity confusion.

I let my private practice go during the last nine months so that I could attend to her. Through God's compassionate empowerment, we managed to experience the most peace, joy, and love we had ever known. But there was an ever-menacing dark side. Kate would slip into borderline personality episodes, where she would be overwhelmed by paranoia and thrown into bouts of rage -- then remember nothing of this the following day.

I felt so sorry for her, and would often stand over her while she slept at night, my hands raised in holy supplication for God to keep the nightmares away. I was also deeply moved that in lucid moments Kate's concern was for my well-being after she passed. She wanted me to continue with my Grand Adventure in Christ, which started at my conversion to Jesus Christ at the age of seventeen. And she said she would be watching over me as soon as she died and went to heaven.

She said the week before she died, "Danny, go ahead and grieve my passing for a season. But then rejoice in the Holy Spirit that I'm happy with Jesus and all who are in heaven. You must get out and date again. If you don't, I'll kill you -- just kidding. I know how relational you are. I want you to know that I won't feel jealous if you date and fall in love again. In fact, I'll be cheering you on with the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost!"

What a brave and compassionate woman, this glorious soulmate/wife I loved for 30 years! In fact, we had just celebrated our 30th anniversary shortly before she died.

Dr. Dan and Montgomery - 30 Year Anniversary

 Dear friends, it's been about 3 months since God took Kate home peacefully in her sleep. I am thrilled to know that because of Jesus Christ she is whole and happy and united with the heavenly family of God.

Kate Montgomery Resurrected by the Holy Spirit As She Died!

I miss her terribly, and every now and then another 90 foot tsunami smacks me down into heartbreak and heartache. But each time the Holy Spirit provides a ready help in my time of need. By God's grace, I am invariably revived and rejuvenated.

I KNOW NOW THERE IS LIFE AFTER DEATH OF A LOVED ONE. I BELIEVE THAT OUR ADVENTURE IN CHRIST ALWAYS MOVES FORWARD. WE CAN BY HELPED BY THE SPIRIT TO GRADUALLY, AND EVER SO SLOWLY, REPLACE FEAR AND LOSS WITH FAITH AND HOPE. THE BODY OF CHRIST ON EARTH WILL SEE US THROUGH!

And I'm determined to live life abundantly, as Jesus said. I do this for Kate's sake, for Jesus' sake, for my sake, and for your sake.

Thanks so much for your love, prayers, and support—and your special love for Kate Montgomery!