Death of A Loved One: The End, or A New Beginning?

For those of you who have followed my lifelong work (books, spiritual direction, and psychotherapy), carried on with my beloved and magnificent wife Kate, I need to share with you (so prepare yourself).

Kate passed away on July 5, 2019.

Oh my God! I was shocked and absolutely devastated. Annihilation is a good term for the inner chaos and nothingness that gripped my soul. I hardly remember the whole month of July. It felt like I was having open heart surgery every day. The emotional pain around my heart area felt like a knife had been plunged there.

On the other hand, there was a profound and surprising bright side. Kate has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's over a year ago, and the doctor believed it had begun long before that. She was also suffering with heart problems, and intractable pain from two recent back surgeries.

Nonetheless, what had kept her intellectually alert for so long was her vigor to always read new books, always begin writing a new one of our books (which she did the very week of her diagnosis!), always learn a new Tango or Salsa step, and always have invigorating and intimate conversations with me. Talk about bearing the Fruit of the Holy Spirit!

In Memory of the Magnificent Kate Montgomery

Even though we both saw the ravaging decline in her capabilities over this past year, I can tell you she prayed her heart out and tried her best to keep some kind of hardiness throughout her deteriorating condition. This in the face of agonizing memory lapses, memory erasures, and occasional severe identity confusion.

I let my private practice go during the last nine months so that I could attend to her. Through God's compassionate empowerment, we managed to experience the most peace, joy, and love we had ever known. But there was an ever-menacing dark side. Kate would slip into borderline personality episodes, where she would be overwhelmed by paranoia and thrown into bouts of rage -- then remember nothing of this the following day.

I felt so sorry for her, and would often stand over her while she slept at night, my hands raised in holy supplication for God to keep the nightmares away. I was also deeply moved that in lucid moments Kate's concern was for my well-being after she passed. She wanted me to continue with my Grand Adventure in Christ, which started at my conversion to Jesus Christ at the age of seventeen. And she said she would be watching over me as soon as she died and went to heaven.

She said the week before she died, "Danny, go ahead and grieve my passing for a season. But then rejoice in the Holy Spirit that I'm happy with Jesus and all who are in heaven. You must get out and date again. If you don't, I'll kill you -- just kidding. I know how relational you are. I want you to know that I won't feel jealous if you date and fall in love again. In fact, I'll be cheering you on with the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost!"

What a brave and compassionate woman, this glorious soulmate/wife I loved for 30 years! In fact, we had just celebrated our 30th anniversary shortly before she died.

Dr. Dan and Montgomery - 30 Year Anniversary

 Dear friends, it's been about 3 months since God took Kate home peacefully in her sleep. I am thrilled to know that because of Jesus Christ she is whole and happy and united with the heavenly family of God.

Kate Montgomery Resurrected by the Holy Spirit As She Died!

I miss her terribly, and every now and then another 90 foot tsunami smacks me down into heartbreak and heartache. But each time the Holy Spirit provides a ready help in my time of need. By God's grace, I am invariably revived and rejuvenated.

I KNOW NOW THERE IS LIFE AFTER DEATH OF A LOVED ONE. I BELIEVE THAT OUR ADVENTURE IN CHRIST ALWAYS MOVES FORWARD. WE CAN BY HELPED BY THE SPIRIT TO GRADUALLY, AND EVER SO SLOWLY, REPLACE FEAR AND LOSS WITH FAITH AND HOPE. THE BODY OF CHRIST ON EARTH WILL SEE US THROUGH!

And I'm determined to live life abundantly, as Jesus said. I do this for Kate's sake, for Jesus' sake, for my sake, and for your sake.

Thanks so much for your love, prayers, and support—and your special love for Kate Montgomery!

How Does Jesus' Sinlessness Help Us?

"He committed no sin and no deceit was found in his mouth" (1 Peter 2:22).

The New Testament insists that Jesus Christ was completely free from sin (John 8:46; 2 Corinth 5:21; Hebrews 4:15, 7:26; 1 John 3:5). He never disobeyed his Father. He loved God's law and found wholehearted joy in keeping it. 

Psychiatrist Karen Horney once cited wholeheartedness as an elusive goal of mental health because of people's inner conflicts. In fallen human beings, there is always reluctance to obey God, to risk a life of faith, to receive chastisement from the Word of God. And there is even resentment amounting to hatred at the claims God makes on us:  "For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will" (Romans 8:7). 

But Jesus' moral nature kept true to God, as had Adam and Eve's moral nature prior to their sin and fall from grace. This passionate fidelity to knowing and doing God's will is what distinguishes Christ from us. It's not just that he confronted social injustice or gave inspired teaching. It's that in Jesus there was no motivation or inclination away from God for Satan to play upon. But there is in us. 

Jesus loved his Father and his Father's will with all his heart and mind, body and spirit. But we are torn by inner conflicts. Our moral compass is broken. Our human nature wars within us and with other people, even if we are decent and caring part of the time. Far from seeking God's will night and day like Jesus did, we want God to do our will. We avoid intimacy with God, for fear he might require something of us that would be uncomfortable or inconvenient.

I remember a well-known psychologist confiding in me: "Dan, there is an evil that lurks within every person, a resistance to growth and health. Sometimes I think our profession is naive about the categories of evil that destroy so many lives."

But Jesus wasn't naive about the categories of evil. Hebrews 4:15 says that Jesus was "tempted in every way, just as we are," though without sinning. This means that every type of temptation we face — temptations to wrongfully indulge the desires of body and mind, to evade moral and spiritual issues, to become self protective and self pitying — came upon him, but he yielded to none of them. Overwhelming opposition did not overwhelm Jesus. 

Through the agony of Gethsemane and the cross he fought temptation and resisted sin to the point of surrendering his life as an atonement for our sins. Jesus can strengthen us with a kindred resolve to do God's will.

Jesus' sinlessness was necessary for our salvation. Had he not been "a lamb without blemish or defect" his blood would not have been "precious" (1 Peter 1:19). He would have needed a Savior himself, and his death would not have redeemed us. 

Jesus Christ's obedient faithfulness (perfect lifelong conformity to God's law for humankind and the Father's will for the Son, our Messiah) qualified Jesus to become our Savior and everlasting Lord. Jesus' obedient suffering (receiving the penalty of God's broken law as our sinless substitute) secured the pardon and acceptance of those who put their faith in him. 

"But as many as received him, to them gave he the right to become children of God, even to them that believe on his name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God" (John 1:12-13).