What To Do When Evil Lurks Around You

While some Christians are obsessed with the devil and demons, I don’t recommend thinking much about these emotionally disturbed creatures. However, if you ever feel oppressed or bothered by a seemingly evil presence that you can’t put your finger on, enter a quiet time of prayer. 

Begin praising Christ for his blessings in your life and his absolute mastery over the devil; then rebuke Satan face-to-face: “Satan, I bind you in the name of Jesus Christ. I command you to withdraw all influence in my life. Now Holy Spirit, please fill me with your presence. In the name of Jesus, amen.”

That’s all there is to it. It is Jesus who has defeated the devil and the Holy Spirit who makes Satan tremble. Scripture promises, “When the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him” (Is 59:19).

If you are troubled by a nightmare, ask God to illuminate the meaning of your dream. Is there something you are avoiding, some choice you need to make? Or is it the devil making you fearful? Either way, I recommend placing a Bible in plain sight by your bed as a symbol that you belong to Christ alone. Pray for the Holy Spirit to fill your bedroom at night, comfort you as you go off to sleep, and exert influence in your dreams.

If someone develops a vendetta toward you, a specific intent to harm you, you know this is not from God. Pray, “Lord, help this person get hung by the noose they are hanging for me.” “Christ, deliver me from this person’s evil schemes and gossip.” “Father, I cover myself with the blood of Christ. Thank you for protecting me and bringing about justice in this situation.”

You can develop a relaxed vigilance regarding Satan, and though you stand ready to command him to desist and depart, it is wise to recognize that a fair portion of the negative tensions you experience in life are not demonic, but rather psychological in origin.

If you have needs that require clinical or pastoral counseling, I encourage you to seek out a qualified professional to help you. You may benefit from perusing the principles of personality found in my book, The Self Compass: Charting Your Personality in Christ. Further, you might search out a book study that concentrates on personality transformation and relationship healing.

If you suffer from significant bouts of depression that extend over months and years, you may have a biochemical deficiency that is genetic in origin, and which will respond favorably to medication issued by a physician or psychiatrist. 

Don’t hold back from making an appointment for evaluation. Then tell that person about your history of struggles with depression, or with periodic mood swings. Be sure and explore what you’ve tried that has and hasn’t helped. An appropriate antidepressant or medication for bipolar disorder can be a godsend in the same way that glasses can transform nearsighted or farsighted eye conditions into 20/20 vision.

When you assess the situation with these tools, you are taking steps so that evil will have no hold on you. 

Handling Old Flames in Couple's Intimacy

What makes couple's intimacy special is making your partner number one emotionally in your life—and keeping it that way.

Easier said than carried out. Especially when old flames compete for your heart’s allegiance.

Most people have tried their hand at couple’s bonding. Most have failed their first time out of the chute and have a broken heart to show for it. The upshot? We develop relational histories with past boyfriends or girlfriends we’ve known; sometimes former spouses with whom we have parted company.

The thing is, old flames are hardwired into the brain’s RNA memory coding. Even after going separate ways, old flames remain emotionally significant. They can suddenly appear in daydreams, night dreams, or associations to a song you hear or a photo you see. You might pine for them, hate them, or wish you two had never met, but short of a lobotomy, their memory lingers.

That’s okay. The best way to get on with life after heartbreak is to build a new collection of memories and adventures with your new companion.

So how do you handle it when something reminds you of your old flame? Let’s look at three ways that this can happen.

1) First there’s the old flame you must keep seeing in the person of a former spouse with whom you maintain a co-parenting relationship for the sake of the children. I believe it’s wise to work and pray for conflict resolution and the cessation of hostilities: to make peace and treat the ex-spouse with fairness and civility. Many couples don’t go this route, one or both preferring the heady sensations of righteous indignation and/or character assassination. They pay the price of a festering bitterness that is guaranteed to infect the new relationship and the children’s personalities.

I’m sure you know couples that perpetuate this Chinese water-torture game. I suggest you not follow suit.

2) Then there are the daydreams and fantasies you might have about an old flame in terms of the good times once shared. This is normal, especially when you take into account that your unconscious never quite grasps whom you once loved, or whom you are committed to now. The unconscious sends fragmented thoughts and images into the conscious mind the way nature send birds flitting through trees.

These thoughts about an old flame are like magpies. If you don’t chase them out of the tree of consciousness, they’ll nest there and pester you daily.

Nesting magpies can drive you crazy. A man who left his wife and two children to marry the sexually hot woman he worked with later had second thoughts. He kept thinking about the sex he and his former wife used to have. Finally, he paid her several visits and actually talked her into sex on two occasions. But when the ex-wife realized he wasn’t coming back, she called the new girlfriend and told all. In the end, both women dumped the man. He had entered mortal combat and lost.

I suggest that you gather up the memorabilia from any former flame and toss it into the trash. It will only incur bittersweet memories at best and jaundiced fantasies at worst. In matters of the heart, emotional and physical fidelity to the person you live with are challenging enough, without throwing a magpie into the mix.

3) And finally, the reality that baffles many couples is a psychological phenomenon called projection. From time to time you will project an experience based on your history with your old flame into a current experience with your partner.

Dave was cleaning out the garage. Nicole’s voice sang out from the kitchen that the orange-glazed duck she prepared as a romantic treat was almost ready. Only she didn’t convey all that. She simply called, “Dave, dinner’s almost done,” to alert him.

Enter Dave’s previous wife into his unconscious. In the last year of their mortal combat before Dave and Sarah divorced, Sarah had a nasty habit of yelling, “Dave, get your butt in here before dinner gets cold!”

Now Dave hears his new wife calling, but can’t make out her words because he is in the garage. His unconscious mistakes Nicole’s gracious invitation to dinner for Sarah’s sarcastic cattle call.

Throwing down the tool in his hand, he rushes into the kitchen, and says sternly to Nicole: “Don’t you ever yell at me like that again!”

Nicole stands frozen with a plate of Duck L’Orange and steamed vegetables that she’s about to place on a candlelit table. Instead, she whirls around, dumps the plate into the sink, and streaks out of the kitchen weeping.

It’ll take some sincere exchanges to straighten out this mess, but if Dave and Nicole are learning how unconscious projection works, and how real it is, they will eventually make mutual amends and reduce the chances of such future distortions. 

For more on couple's intimacy, read:

STAYING IN LOVE:

DR. DAN & SIGGY'S GUIDE TO COUPLES INTIMACY

The Devil Is Emotionally Disturbed

I hold a private theory about the devil. I believe that he is emotionally disturbed. If you want to understand the devil, think in terms of a boaster, bully, con artist, and control freak rolled into one.

Satan is a person—yes, an individual—who thrives on loveless power and shuns the power of love. He is devoid of relational or personality health, yet nonetheless has charisma, possessing the uncanny ability to make evil appealing and wrong appear right. Haven’t you run across a few people like this?

The devil personifies manipulation. If you want to grasp his modus operandi, imagine any human behavior that is rigidly stubborn, seductive, conniving, divisive, or cruel, and you’ll have a snapshot of Satan. Jesus knew the devil well and said: “There is no truth in him. When he lies, he lies according to his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies” (Jn 8:44).

A lot of unwarranted fears about the devil are quelled by seeing him as the misguided narcissist that he is. Though Satan is cunning in the lives of those who follow his lead, he cowers when rebuked in Jesus’ name. He knows the truth of John’s words: “The Son of God was revealed for this purpose, to destroy the works of the devil” (1 Jn 3:8). 

Of course, Hollywood movies trump up Satan’s power by scripting him to hurl objects through the air and make lots of scary noises. Don’t fall for it. A little old grandmother with arthritis and cataracts can send Satan packing with a few words spoken in faith from the victory of the Cross: “Get out of here you devil, in Jesus’ name.”

Satan departs! James, among the pillars of the early church, offers solid counsel: “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and he will draw near to you” (Jas 4:7-8). 

The differences between Christ and the devil deserve mention. Jesus is faithful and true, offering abundant life to those who follow him. He loves you and takes pleasure in leading you toward wholeness and fulfillment. Christ is a faithful and true guide up the summit that leads to everlasting life.

Satan, on the other hand, is exploitive and deceptive. He pursues a warped agenda that always lets you down. The devil resents the air you breathe and would like nothing better than to strip your personality, trash your relationships, and dump you on a garbage heap, a trophy to his egotism. And he’s not without his methods: he happens to be an expert at luring people into futile lives through the behavioral reinforcement of short term gratification.

I was counseling a seventeen-year-old who suffered from depression. After helping him make some progress, I mentioned that given his history of depression, he might take care to avoid the three major poisons that are peddled to youth.

“What are they?” he asked.

“Smoking, drinking, and drugs,” I said.

He flashed a worldly-wise grin. “Oh, don’t worry about me, Dr. Dan. I already smoke, drink, and use—and I’m doing just fine.”

It is difficult to warn each new generation about the ever-present means of self-destruction that is available everywhere. Mostly, people have to do their own research in discovering how evil works, and how tedious or disheartening life without Christ can really get.

Paul offers a list of destructive behaviors that are as accurate today as they were two thousand years ago: “fornication, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, anger, quarrels, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these” (Gal 5:19-21).

Christians can and do fall prey to these attitudes and actions. For this reason, it serves us well to cultivate a lifelong habit of asking the Lord’s forgiveness, and seeking the Holy Spirit’s counsel in making progress toward personality and relational wholeness.

How to Live Your Faith Beyond Church Walls

Is it possible to have faith that promotes unity with Christians of diverse traditions and openness to non-believers who hold different beliefs altogether? Compass theory suggests that a non-dogmatic faith is the wisest way to grow in Christ and witness to others without alienating them.

But—“I’m a Baptist,” “I’m Roman Catholic,” “I’m Calvinist,” “I’m Pentecostal”—say too many Christians.

“Please,” says the Father, “just witness to my presence in the world. You are my children, all. I have called you and know you by name. Seek my wisdom without a chip on your shoulder that divides my family into feuding factions. Please welcome all individuals into my household and live your faith beyond church walls.”

In the big picture of Christ’s redemption of humankind, your religious tradition is about as significant as whether you prefer going to the mountains or the beach, or whether you believe that cats or dogs make the best household pets.

Whatever your denominational affiliation, you are first and foremost a person who loves Christ. But when you place your Christian tradition above the gift of intimacy with God, you contribute to the fragmentation of Christianity and the senseless competition between parts of the Body of Christ.

A humbler perspective lets you say, “I am a follower of Christ,” or simply, “I am a Christian.” If this admission brings disparagement from anyone, then you are simply being persecuted for your witness to the Lord, not rejected because of your denominational eccentricity. Sometimes this type of persecution can’t be avoided. At such times Jesus will personally comfort you. But the rest of the time, seek to be a door-opener of God’s grace rather than a closed door of dogmatic religiosity.

Once in my hometown I called together a group of Christian leaders for a prayer meeting. Among them were a Methodist, Baptist, Pentecostal, Catholic, and Lutheran. “I wonder if we might become a network who get to know and trust each other,” I said. “That way we can serve the Body of Christ and seek to meet people’s needs, no matter what their orientation.” During the next hour there arose such a disputation about brand-name loyalties that my hopes for Christian unity fell to the ground.

Eventually I channeled my passion away from banding leaders together to writing books for persons like you. This is why I value your readership so much. You are the one who is becoming the face, voice, and actions of Jesus Christ, and through his Spirit, a one-of-a-kind individual.

KEEP IT SIMPLE

Believe me, God takes note of your individuation and will move to benefit both you and others. You are a signpost and heartfelt witness that Jesus is alive not dead, loving not tyrannical, adventurous not boring.

On occasion, when people are undergoing pronounced adversity concerning their health, finances, job, or relationships, you might ask if they would like to receive a prayer of blessing from you. Most people will say, “Yes, please.” Whether you pray silently or aloud, or simply let them know in a card or e-mail that you have interceded to God on their behalf, they will feel less lonely and desperate because of you. They will feel a shimmer of hope that God is there for them. When God answers some of these prayers, both their faith and yours will be strengthened. 

Join a Bible-study group to deepen your knowledge of the Word of God. Pray for guidance from the Holy Spirit as to how to develop more of your real self in Christ. Read The Self Compass: Charting Your Personality in Christ to help you in this process. If you do not attend a church, explore ones in your community to see if there is one that draws you in. We all need a way to regularly take in the Scriptures so that the Holy Spirit can use biblical teaching to transform our personality. 

Handling Christmas with The Self Compass

Having just got through Thanksgiving, are you wondering how to handle Christmas? The Self Compass can help you do this. 

The first thing is the use your Weakness compass point to acknowledge upfront that you will occasionally feel frustrated, impatient, and anxious about getting everything done and making everyone happy. These negative feelings arise when you try to accomplish too much, too fast, and expect the whole world to cooperate with you.

Did you know that most people experience a considerable amount of anxiety and anger precisely because they want a perfect Christian season and Christmas day?

The way around this is to accept that you'll be facing holiday traffic, longer grocery store lines, and the occasional bossy relative. You surrender to these normal pressures and inconveniences without making a big deal of it. You pray for the grace of Jesus Christ to abide within you, being a sense of ease and lightheartedness, perhaps even deep gratitude that He came into the world at Christmas just for a relationship with you! All of this arises out of a healthy Weakness compass point, where humility abides.

Next, combine your Love compass point with your Assertion compass point in this fashion. Care for people, but don't take on the maddening burden of trying to make them happy. You can't. People can make themselves happy if they want to, but many prefer griping, fussing, and finding fault with something or other, rather than having a good day or a wonderful Christmas.

Take responsibility to enjoy your own wonderful Christmas in the presence of whomever you're with, while they are simply themselves. This takes the pressure off you and lets you relax and enjoy small delights.

When it comes to relatives, remember that personality patterns run deep, and Christmas doesn't change them. If a person has an angry or argumentative pattern, expect them to continue behaving this way right through Christmas dinner. Of if someone is a died-in-the-wool loner, don't expect them to become suddenly gregarious and cheery.

Don't forget your Strength compass point, where you can exercise reasonable diligence in doing your shopping for gifts and food to have a "good enough" Christmas to feel peaceful and thankful.

Now that you've got the relatives in perspective, concentrate on your inner relationship with Christ. The Holy Spirit is sent by your heavenly Father to live within you precisely to glorify Christ in the core of your being. Stop rushing. Stop fretting. Stop feeling like Christmas is a pressure cooker and you're in the soup!

Breathe. Let your shoulders melt. Smile. Converse with Jesus inside your mind. Invite Him to help you understand and receive all the love He has for all, and the wise pathway He will guide you upon this coming year. Jesus Christ is one family member you can count on to be peaceful, joyful, and fun. He will help you have a merry Christmas and a happy New Year!