How to Feel Closer to God through Christ

When someone approaches me about finding a closer walk with God, I don’t say, “Well, just read the Bible and go to church,” because this answer wears thin if you've tried tried it and still feel emotionally distant from God. I suggest instead taking a risk by initiating a conversation with God. And watching how the Lord responds.

What happens when you risk a spontaneous little prayer? When you include the Lord in your inner life. Over the years you learn to invite him into every imaginable situation. But there’s something else. Little heartfelt prayers fulfill the Lord’s desire for companionship with you!

Answers to prayer vary as much as blooming flowers. Some are like pansies that blossom overnight. Others are like bulbs planted in winter soil, which seem not to grow at all; then springtime comes and they erupt with life. Still others are like roses that require care over many years, but their delicate petals and distinctive fragrance make them well worth the effort. Whether God’s reply is quick or seemingly takes forever, you can count on a response.

A Little Prayer of Longing

Gwen made an appointment to see me at a college where I was teaching. A student in my Psychology of Religion course, she had met the assignments, but stayed silent in class.

When she arrived for the appointment, I invited her in and offered her a seat. My desk lamp cast soft light on her frowning face.

“I want to talk about something you said in class the other day,” she said.

I nodded my encouragement.

"You said that God wants a real relationship with each of us. That he knows us by name. That he wants to walk and talk with us.”

“Yes, I believe that’s true,” I said.

“Well, I have a problem. I was raised in a Christian home and went to church all my life. But I don’t feel close to God. It seems like the Lord is way too big to really know about me. I feel like I’m this little grain of sand who shouldn’t bother him.”

“Is it like you know God loves humanity, but why would he want Gwen as his personal friend?”

“Exactly. I’m so ordinary. I’m not that good in school and half the time I feel bored in church. I’m not anything special.”

“Yet you care enough about your relationship with the Lord to come here and talk about it.”

“I guess so. I don’t know what else to do.”

Gwen,” I said, “I wonder if you would dare to ask the Lord to come to you in a private way that you can really recognize. Something that would show that he knows you.”

“You mean just talk to him?” she asked, eyebrows arching.

I nodded. “Maybe you could say a little prayer right now, just the way you are talking to me.”

“Well, this feels kind of awkward, but I’ll try,” she said.

We bowed our heads.

After a moment of silence, she said, “God, I have felt lonely for so long. I go through all the motions of being religious, but I don’t feel you in my life. Please show me that you love me. Help me know you’re really there. Amen.”

When I looked up, Gwen was dabbing her eyes with a Kleenex. I sensed that she was opening her heart to God in this little prayer. I wondered how Christ would answer her.

A week later there was a knock on my office door. When I opened it, there stood Gwen with a grin on her face. 

She handed me a bright red greeting card and said, “Go ahead and open it.”

Puzzled, I flipped open the card. The printed message read, “Our friendship will last forever.” Underneath, written in beautiful handwriting, were the words, “Dear Gwen, you don’t know me, but the Lord told me to buy this card and send it to you. He said for you to read Isaiah 43:1. Best wishes.” It was unsigned.

“This card was in my campus mailbox yesterday,” Gwen explained. “I looked up the verse in Isaiah and it says, ‘I have called you by name, you are mine.’”

My heart caught. “And you still don’t know who sent it?”

 “No. But I do know that God loves me!”

What worked for Gwen will work for you: going straight to the Lord when you face a lonely disconnect from God. Like Gwen, you can risk praying to the Lord by "casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you" (1 Pet 5:7 NKJV).

Why American Men Need Psychological and Spiritual Bonding

I have learned as a psychologist over thirty-five years that many American men are very lonely. Yeah, there is the guy-bonding and mutual exuberance that occurs with drinking buddies, drug addicts, computer geeks, military comrades, and members of competitive teams (be they about sports, cars, online gaming, or what-have-you).

But the truth is that loneliness lurks under the veneer of jubilant camaraderie or pal-buddy loyalty.

I believe it's because along about the seventh grade boys start teasing other boys when one of them shares a personal feeling. We males learn the art of keeping deeper thoughts and feelings to ourselves, lest we become the object of mocking, ribbing, and scorn.

Unfortunately, then we don't take the interpersonal risks that girls and women are actually encouraged to take. We become skittish about sharing our interior world, for fear that we'll be judged as dumb, silly, or worse yet, sissy.

The price we pay is profound. We come to live in the dark about our own depths, because to grow fully mature psychology and spiritually, a person must connect intimately with others, especially same sexed friends.

This social reinforced aversion about discussing what's deeply private leaves us all too mute when it comes to male bonding. Too, there is unconscious fear that if you do share your feelings more openly, you'll be judged as gay, for gay men have pressed the boundaries of emotional expressiveness further than their straight counterparts, and developed a societal expectation that gay stands for emotional and sexual peer bonding.

Yet only a tiny proportion of America males identify themselves as gay in temperament or lifestyle, so what about that huge proportion of American men who end up simply psychologically and spiritual repressed because they've never learned how to shared their depths with other men?

Here's an example I overheard in a home supply store where I was shopping. Two men who worked there were talking.

The younger man said, "I had a bit of a tough week."

The older man said, "Huh."

Silence.

The younger man said, "Yeah, Dad died and his dog doesn't have a place to live."

The older man shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, when you're finished this job don't forget to stock more wrenches in the plumbing section."

They left together, the younger man hanging his head down, his deeper feelings buried in his chest, his existential loneliness on the planet once again confirmed, his private perceptual world once again ignored by a buddy.

Go in any restaurant and you can notice the same thing. There will be a married couple sitting there staring into space together, because the man doesn't know how to open his interior world, other than commenting on business or politics. You'll also see a couple of women who are freely exchanging psychological intimacies and spiritual inspirations -- they'll be laughing or crying or touching each other on the hand or shoulder.

Now notice a couple of guys in the next booth looking at the menus instead of at each other. Their conversation comes in short, terse bursts, punctuated by long, lonely silences.

I'll never forget the group therapy session I was having, where I was introducing the idea of private disclosure as the new norm, a norm that would help the participants feel more human, and more warmly connected to their own depths and to one another. One man at forty years of age finally got the message. He shared a couple of very private things that had happened to him, and experienced the group members as interested and involved.

Tears came to his eyes and he suddenly burst out, "Why hasn't anyone ever told me how good it feels to let down my guard and say what's really going on inside? It's like I've lived my whole life concealing what's in me, afraid that everyone would judge it as less than manly. And you all are telling me, "Hey, you're only human. Open up so we can understand you. I don't know whether to laugh or cry, but it sure feels different!"

Actually, there's a whole new generation of men today who are learning to take the risks required for psychological and spiritual bonding, and I am more than happy to see it.

So whether you are one of the older generation who was taught emotional repression and lonely privatization of your interior life, or one of these new guys who wants to live life more abundantly, bonding fully and freely with other men, here are some guidelines that can't help but make you healthier and happier:

• Throw into the garbage pail the image that a real man keeps things to himself.
• Develop a social image that most people will accept and appreciate what's deep and real in you.
• If some macho dude looks down his nose at you for sharing a real emotion, look right back at him with the confidence that says, "If one of us is going to live the lonely-guy syndrome, better it be you than me." Then go find a different fellow to bond with.
• Discover that guys like depth, once the ice is broken and somebody take the required risks of going deeper.
• Enjoy the fact the men make excellent companions in psychological and spiritual ways, once they get the hang of it.
• Celebrate this way of existence by bonding with you guy friends, wife, son or daughter, and even strangers, who will all resonate to your authenticity, and enjoy your human warmth.

The results? Your blood pressure will go down. Your temper will lessen. Your patience will increase. Your life will lengthen. Your joy will grow. And last but certainly not least, your loneliness will become a thing of the past!

Trust In God's Love for You!

Your relationship with Christ encompasses your personality and human nature. How does this work?

Innumerable millions have known and loved Jesus Christ, both now and throughout the ages. God has made redemption through Christ so simple that even children can experience the Lord. 

The bottom line is that God has taken care of the sin problem afflicting humanity by allowing his Son Jesus to die on the cross in our place. It is interesting to note that among world religions and pagan philosophies, Christianity stands alone in witnessing to the Incarnation of Christ, his atonement for sin, and God’s pursuit of intimacy with each person.

 

The Jews didn’t put Christ on the cross, nor did the Romans. I put Christ on the cross. And so did you. By confessing our sins and asking for God’s forgiveness, grace is imparted to us and we are redeemed. We find ourselves saying inwardly by the power of the Holy Spirit, “I am the Lord’s child and God is my Papa!”  

This is where the fun begins. God didn’t give us the most precious gift imaginable so that we can sit on our hands, much less that we become boring religious copycats who spend all day trying to be good.

From the creation of humankind, God has looked for individuals to become his friends and playmates: gutsy romantic risk-takers who respond to his love for them. The next time you read the Gospels notice how much Jesus enjoyed the wedding of Cana, how transparently he comes across with Peter and the gang, how forcefully he raises his buddy Lazarus from the dead, and how sternly he rebukes the religious rule-keepers who want to make his disciples as miserable as themselves.

 

The Lord isn’t trying to get you to copycat the lives of dead saints or act like people in the first century. He’s trying to get you up and running as an original in Christ, a person who lives on the cutting edge of the twenty-first century. He wants to awaken your mind, heart, and body so that you are aware and choosing—a lively dialogue partner who brings him delight and relates to him with creative fidelity.

Nothing in regard to your human experience is beyond Christ’s comprehension, nor should you hold back in shame or fear that you’re not perfect enough for him. If Jesus was interested in perfection, he would have gone to another planet. Earth is in decay and turmoil. Humanity is fallen and frail. Human personality is fickle beyond belief. Altogether, it’s a perfect situation for the love of God to move through redemptive hope and create wonderful outcomes for individuals who know and trust him.

Consider this. Christ as God lives at all times and all places; there is nothing within the cosmos that his presence and personality do not infuse. But there is one thing this Lord of Creation and King of Kings has never done. He has never had a relationship with you. For this he has patiently waited. Now you’ve arrived, and believe me, he is showing up on your behalf every day and night.

Don’t worry. Christ is not invasive. He will give you plenty of room for privacy. On the other hand, he’ll be thrilled whenever you include him. Have you ever invited the Lord to go with you to a movie? A dance? Walking through the mall? A workout? Have you ever chatted with him while driving around town? Or invited him into your bedroom for a nighttime visit?

The first time I went to Disneyland, I had flown to Southern California to begin a Master’s program in philosophy. I was twenty-three and didn’t know a single person in the state. So I invited Jesus to come along. We rode each ride in the park. Six hours later, I emerged from the Magic Kingdom, my heart pulsing with the pleasure of his company. 

Harder, though, has been my handling of extended periods of loneliness, or making it through certain crises where I felt paralyzed by anxiety. There is nothing so bothersome as loneliness or anxiety, because no one can fix these inner states for us. No one can get deep down to where these feelings exist—no one except the Lord.

Christ has never removed all my emotional pain or confusion. On the other hand, whenever I’ve called upon him or requested guidance from the Holy Spirit, something has shifted inside me or within the circumstance that has helped me make it through. Haven’t you noticed the same thing?

Even so, it wasn’t until my fourth decade of Christian life that I developed the practice of calling upon the Lord throughout every single day.  “Father, please help work out this problem.”  “Jesus, guide me through this situation.” “Holy Spirit, I’m feeling afraid and really need your comfort.” I still have bouts of fear or frustration. Yet I’ve discovered how intensely Christ loves us and how ably the Holy Spirit can impart a measure of serenity even in rough spells.

 I encourage you this week to think about enhancing your adventure in Christ. Focus on making Jesus your life’s organizing principle so that your relationship with him can flourish no matter what.

If you feel distracted by a situation that leaves you disheartened or sour, risk changing it. If another person has hijacked your loyalty to Christ by dominating your attention, pray for the freedom to make Christ number one in your life. If work, hobbies, or even family life has left you with no time for God, ask for grace to touch your heart anew.

Dare to enjoy a spontaneous stream of lively conversations with the Lord as you walk through each day together. He'll love being trusted by you!

For more on finding freedom in Christ, read:

Faith Beyond Church Walls

Naturally Supernatural Life for Christians

Christianity begins with Jesus. After dying on the cross, he is raised up on the third day, his personality restored, his human faculties intact. His first recorded act is to warmly greet Mary Magdalene. Then he says, “Go and tell Peter and the boys that I’ll meet them in Galilee,” an especially tender sentiment since Peter had three times denied even knowing him. 

By the time the month is out, Christ has met with the disciples and another four hundred people who believe in him. His death and resurrection have turned history upside down. You’d never guess he’d been recently betrayed, interrogated, whipped, spurned, and crucified, busy as he is creating rendezvous with the individuals he loves. 

Now two millennia have passed and Jesus is making rendezvous with you. He calls your name and seeks opportunities to be in touch with you. Do you hear his whisper? Can you feel his warmth?

How do you integrate this Jesus of Nazareth with your life in the 21^st century? Certainly it tests your capability, since a good part of humanity now believes that science and reason are the primary means of acquiring knowledge, understanding human behavior, and explaining the universe. This point of view has made a worthwhile contribution to humankind by revealing natural laws and improving the quality of life.

Yet for the individual in Christ, a graced awareness of heavenly power challenges the artificial distinction made in today’s world between the natural and supernatural—between reason and faith. 

When your baby gets sick, you not only want a good doctor, you want God’s help. When someone you love is dying, you want more than a prognosis of how many weeks are left, you want to bring spiritual comfort to the loved one. When a dire situation has you by the throat, you want Almighty God to intervene and deliver you from evil!

Jesus Christ is the unimpeachable witness that your life matters to God. He is the Almighty Someone who knows your coming and going, and watches over you. “For in him we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:28). And just as the supernatural became natural for Mary and Peter, so the supernatural can become natural for you.

This world belongs to the Trinity. Far from being a Creator who wound up the universe like a cosmic watch and then abandoned it, our God interacts with us all the time.

The life of a colleague of mine, a physician, once sank to an all-time low. She got several years behind in taxes to the tune of five figures, experienced a painful divorce, lost her home, and underwent gall bladder surgery, all within the space of a year. The only thing she had left was enough reason to call upon Jesus Christ for help. 

I use the word “reason” to emphasize that when you belong to Christ, it is reasonable and makes good scientific sense to call on him for help. No, you can’t set up an empirical laboratory experiment to make God demonstrate how he cares for people and moves on their behalf. On the other hand, millions of people who know the Lord petition him for help and witness his astonishing provision for their needs.

God doesn’t mind scientific exploration. He invites, even empowers the understanding of nature, including the study of Homo sapiens. Yet when it comes to the well-being of persons, God moves freely by exerting his transcendent will to help people out. Without his compassionate heart at the center of things, we would all be transitory blips in a cold dark universe, where names don’t matter and personalities are no more significant than tree stumps. 

My physician friend knew that she was not a tree stump. She called on the Lord for help to restore a miserably broken life. Cooperating with the grace that was offered, she acknowledged her errors of judgment and followed the Holy Spirit’s lead in setting her life aright. At the end of the five years she emerged debt free, with enough income to make a down payment on a home. I could tell that invisibly, yet perceptively, she had joined the cloud of witnesses who have walked through the valley of the shadow and found Christ an able Shepherd.

While my friend’s story helps to illustrate how the Lord moves supernaturally through ordinary trials, I want to share an experience that bears witness to a miracle from God in a life-threatening emergency. 

One night I was driving through a hundred-mile stretch of remote country in the midst of a winter blizzard, when the car heater broke down. It wasn’t long before my feet turned to ice blocks and my breath fogged up the windshield. I crawled along at twenty miles an hour, fearful that I might drive off the road. 

Shaking now from the sub-zero weather, I uttered the most unusual prayer of my life: “God, please bring heat inside the car so I don’t freeze to death.” A minute later a breeze started blowing gently on my feet and legs. It was piping hot air. I didn’t know how God was doing it, but the whole interior of the car gradually heated up to where the fog cleared off the windshield, my bones stopped rattling, and I felt warm as toast. 

Thankfully, I drove the remaining distance without getting stuck in a snowbank, arriving at my destination in a fully heated car. When I checked the heater the next day it wasn’t working. I took the car to a mechanic who replaced a faulty thermostat. 

I don’t know what your needs are right now or what pressures are threatening you. But I do know that I am in your corner, with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We are cheering you on, as you and Jesus make the supernatural more natural in your life.

For more, read:

FAITH BEYOND CHURCH WALLS

How Does Prayer Work?

I can't speak for other world religions, even though I respect aspects of what they teach and uphold. But I can speak for Christianity because I met Jesus Christ fifty years ago. If it wasn't for Jesus, Christianity would be just a religion, and I wouldn't have much interest in it. My lifetime work as a psychologist for Lord has only intensified my fascination with prayer.

What does Jesus teach us about prayer? First of all, he teaches us that through the doorway he provides, God the Father becomes our personal Father. Christ teaches us to pray to God like he did, which means to pray all the time, everywhere, about anything that truly concerns us. And he teaches us to pray in his name, which means that we submit to his authority and trust in his guidance.

How does this translate into practical prayer? Wonderfully. You see, I was trained as a scientist in my graduate and undergraduate education, and I learned to have an inquisitive mind, to try out novel experiments and gather research about how the natural laws of the universe work.

So when I met Jesus, when I asked him to enter my life and reveal more about God to me, I found a freedom to pray in his name and see how prayer works. One of my first prayer experiments got an unexpected answer. My girlfriend, who had graduated from high school a year ahead of me, fell in love with a college guy, a beefy football player whom I personally detested.

The week of their marriage I stood in my bedroom and lay my broken heart before the Lord. "I can't stand this pain, Lord, and I can't stand losing this woman I love. Will you please show me how to get through this?"

I waited. Nothing seemed to happen. But when I turned around, my eyes fell on a Bible sitting on my dresser. I felt compelled by an invisible force to cross the room and placed both hands upon the Bible. With that action a peace infused my whole being, and a calm inner voice said, "Dan, you can stand it, because I am standing with you."

When we enter conversation with God, we can actively expect his attentiveness, and trust in the great care with which he will answer us, sometimes immediately, sometimes within the week, and sometimes twenty years later.

Go ahead and pray about anything that brings you anxiety, depression, or stress. Ask for God's divine intervention. For his wisdom to flow into a situation and change the outcome in constructive ways. For his presence to positively influence a troubled relationship. For his will to be done in your life.

And don't forget to thank him for all the good things he does. It warms his heart, just like his companionship through the years warms yours.

For more about prayer and companionship with God, read  

Trusting In The Trinity: Compass Psychotheology Applied

Church Curriculum and Christian Psychology

My wife Kate and I are discovering that a wide range of churches are adopting our Compass Series books for the purposes of adult education and pastoral ministry. 

We see God's hand in this since our life mission seeks to locate Jesus Christ as the dynamic center of spiritual and psychological health. In light of this, we are gratified that Raymond Pendleton, ordained minister, psychologist, and Professor of Pastoral Psychology at Gordon-Conwell Seminary , says, "Dan and Kate Montgomery are making psychology safe for Christianity." 

The Compass Series books provide individuals, pastors, and churches with reliable principles of health psychology  integrated with Christian orthodoxy: namely, the divinity and humanity of Christ, the plenary verbal inspiration of Scripture, the Nicene and Apostles' Creeds, and the foundational doctrine of one God in three Persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. 

We thought you might be interested in a brief description of each book's relevance to church life and Christian formation and discipleship. To view the table of contents and first chapter on Amazon through 'Search Inside the Book,' click on the titles below.

1. The Self Compass: Charting Your Personality In Christ. Used as a book study or adult class text. Includes a study guide. Helps congregants take action in developing healthy personality and relationships. An early chapter provides a Self Compass Inventory, followed by practical growth steps in every chapter for becoming more Christlike. Mike McGuire at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary writes, "In this book you will see yourself, and what you see will make you want to change by drawing closer to God and applying God's Word to your life."

2. Faith Beyond Church Walls: Finding Freedom in Christ. An inspirational how-to-grow-in Christ book for new Christians and those who desire a closer walk with God. Thompson Mathew, Dean of Theology & Missions at Oral Roberts University, writes, "A heart warming conversation and invitation, Dr. Dan Montgomery does not attack the Church nor whitewash her blemishes. His concern is with the individual needing healing and wholeness. His well developed personality theory and some very moving personal stories inspire hope which heals people and their relationships through Jesus Christ."

3. Trusting in the Trinity. An exciting book choice for adult classes, since the Trinity underlies all Christian doctrine, yet remains obscure to most Christians. Clearly identifies the Trinity as the foundation of persons and relationships. Shows the Trinitarian significance of personality, justification by grace, human nature, love, marriage, miracles, prayer, science, psychology, and the Bible. Expositor's Bible Commentary Editor Tremper Longman III writes, "A thoroughly biblical Trinitarian theology that can transform our life and relationships. I recommend it to all who take their faith and their soul seriously." 

4. Christian Personality Theory: A Self Compass for Humanity. Provides a Christian alternative to Freudian, Jungian, humanistic, and cognitive-behavioral personality theories. Helps people think in Christian ways about child-rearing, adolescent development, marital communication, and personality transformation. Great for a class that seeks intellectual stimulation as well as spiritual inspiration. Darcia Narvaez at University of Notre Dame writes, "I am fascinated by the Self Compass. The growth orientation of the Compass Model offers a transformation mindset that can benefit any reader. Well done!" 

5. Compass Psychotheology: Where Psychology and Theology Really Meet. For those who are maturing in their Christian faith, this book integrates Old and New Testament Scripture with the best insights from health psychology. Provides pastors and lay ministers with a depth understanding of people's behavioral dynamics, increasing their capability to minister over the lifespan to the complex individual and couple needs of our day. Gordon Fee, Editor, New International Commentary on the New Testament writes, "Dan Montgomery's Christian personality theory is innovative and biblically sound." 

The following books are designed to strengthen pastoral ministers, and Christian professional and lay counselors.

6. Pastoral Counseling and Coaching: Compass Therapy in Churches. This book empowers pastoral resourcefulness in meeting the diverse needs of the contemporary church. The church is a natural home for healing and counseling, and enjoys a long tradition of caring for souls. Case studies show how to excel at the level of counseling you are comfortable with, while referring more complex cases to a licensed therapist. Most of all, it shows how to stay fresh in your ministry without being overwhelmed by people's needs. Abigail Evans at Princeton Theological Seminary says: "Brings God's healing into congregational life."

7. Christian Counseling That Really Works: Compass Therapy in Action. The Church's mission involves preaching the Gospel of Christ as well as implementing it in people's lives. This means using techniques of transformation that help move people forward through the various crises and life passages they encounter. Linda Marten at Dallas Theological Seminary writes: "Through the Compass Therapy framework and many techniques Dan Montgomery utilizes, you can see examples of Christ's love coming alive in the counseling session. I appreciate his insights and focus on healing the whole person (mind, body, spirit, and emotions). This is what good Christian counseling looks like!"