SIX TIPS TO PLACE GOD FIRST FOR A VIBRANT AND LOVING MARRIAGE

Dr. Dan and Kate Montgomery

TIP 1:  Have Faith In God As A Couple

KATE: “When Dan and I were first getting to know each other, my faith was marginal. Dan’s was strong, and he was writing even then about integrating God in daily life and relationships. What was my first reaction to reading the manuscript for what became FAITH BEYOND CHURCH WALLS: Finding Freedom in Christ?
 

‘Who do you think you are, Dan, to have experienced so many miracles in your life, and to say that other people can too if they just ask?'”

Dan’s reaction? He gave me his precious personal copy of The Living Bible.”

"That weekend, as I read the Gospel of John, I started crying (a good sign of the Holy Spirit’s presence). Shortly thereafter, I dedicated my life to Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.”
 

DAN: “I felt terrified to commit to marriage, having been badly hurt in several prior relationships before. I knew I loved Kate, but when I went to buy her a ring, I had a panic attack in the jewelry store and left. I knew I wanted to marry her, but I could not get out a single word on my own to propose to her.

We were sitting in a car right before I was to get on a plane, and I cried out to the Holy Spirit: “Please Help!”

My mouth and jaw started moving; then sounds came, with words I didn’t understand but went ahead and said. This went on for a couple of minutes, then stopped. I turned to look at Kate, sure I had utterly blown it. But she was smiling. 

“Yes, I will, with all my heart.”
“Will what?” I asked.
“Marry you! You just proposed to me in perfect French, my second language, and the language of my heart!”

I recognized that the Holy Spirit had indeed employed supernatural power to help me, since I had never spoken French before; nor have I since. My spirit flooded with joy, I was then able to propose in English, all fear vanquished. 

That you both have faith and trust in God to guide your couple's life is central to a vibrant, loving, and growing marriage.

TIP 2: The “Covenant of Weakness” with God

A Covenant of Weakness means that as a couple you surrender on your knees to the Holy Spirit to do Christ’s will together, to the Glory of the Father. 

You seek daily knowledge of God’s unfolding will as your highest concern, without placing these factors above God’s will as you mutually seek to understand it and carry it out:

• financial pursuits 
• career development 
• job changes
• family members’ opinions
• hobbies and pastimes  
• vacations and traveling
• purchases and shopping
• buying or redecorating a house
 

TIP 3: Commit to Model Christ-like Behavior with Each Other

Jesus never used sarcasm, so your couple doesn't need to either:

• No sarcasm
• No stereotyped jokes about the battle of the sexes or men versus women in marriage
• No pranks that scare, startle, or embarrass your spouse
• No trash talking or trying to get the next jab or cutting remark
• No curse words for each other for these lead to the psychology of enemy formation that is the downfall of couple's trust and intimacy
• And remember to make quick sincere apologies whenever you are curt, impolite, rash, or emotionally fired up

 

TIP 4:  Daily “Integration Seminars” 

 

Sit down together anywhere from five minutes to an hour. This daily time slot helps your couple:

• regroup after a busy day 
• restore emotional connection
• sustain a sense of mutual purpose  
• preserve a warm interpersonal climate for communication

We often use this time to pray out loud for God’s guidance on any number of practical issues. (If you pray silently, your partner is in the dark about what you said or didn't say, which does no one any good).

TIP 5: Keep Replenishing An Airtight Commitment to Place the Sanctity of Your Marriage Bond in Christ Before All Other Concerns

Don't:

• Flirt with your eyes, words, or overly intimate hugs
• Build an emotionally inappropriate bond
• Or in any other way pursue a co-dependent relationship with a person outside your marriage (including parents, siblings, or best friends)
 

TIP 6: Read and apply The Self Compass: Charting Your Personality In Christ

 

The Self Compass

Read this book together! Talk over all its principles. Help each other grow more whole as individuals and as a couple in Christ. Discover practical growth tools to outgrow personality patterns using Jesus as your model of healthy personality and interpersonal communication.


Are these high standards? Yes, indeed. But God concretely helps when you ask. In difficult times, remember what Jesus said: 

"In this world you will have trouble. 

But take heart! 

I have overcome the world"

(Jn 16:33).