DR. DAN MONTGOMERY ON "THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES"

I was privileged to meet and talk with Germaine Greer, a leader of the 1970’s feminist movement and author of The Female Eunuch, after a speech she gave when I was about 35 years old. At that time I was a Psychology Professor at Pepperdine University—and  a Psychologist. 

GERMAINE GREER

Germaine Greer was one of a triumvirate that included Betty Friedan, author of The Feminine Mystique:

BETTY FRIEDAN

 and Gloria Steinem, co-founder of Ms. Magazine and author of Life on the Road:

GLORIA STEINEM

I talked with Germaine Greer after she had delivered a brilliant speech on the feminist position concerning the difficulties inherent in communication and relationships between men and women.

I responded: “I have an overarching theory of what I think happens between men and women that can put an end to battle of the sexes.”

Germaine's eyes lit up and she guided us to a private corner of the room. "Go ahead, Dr. Dan," she said warmly.

I showed her a diagram of The Self Compass.

THE SELF COMPASS

I explained how, due to factors like testosterone and socialization, men too often get stuck overemphasizing the upper two compass points of the Self Compass: Strength and Assertion. They are left with personality deficiencies of emotional detachment, narcissistic entitlement, and dictatorial control. They become dehumanized Top Dogs who seek to get their way all the time, emotionally wounding millions of women in the process: detached men incapable of loving unions.

Germane nodded affirmatively. "I agree completely. This makes perfect sense."

I continued to explain that women, by contrast, are too often fixated on the Love and Weakness compass points as Underdogs. Overblown Weakness makes them fearful, helpless, avoidant, and easily hurt. Too much Love makes them overly dependent on seeking men's approval to affirm their existence, and busy striving to serve everyone, keep the peace, and make people happy.  

"That describes how I lived the first twenty years of my life!"

"In today’s world," I said, "women are into 'consciousness-raising,' not realizing that they are merely flip-flopping from Underdogs into Top Dogs. This amounts to exchanging one set of personality deficiencies for its opposite. So there is a switch from too much Passivity to too much Aggression with no net gain in human personality wholeness.

"So from your view, Dan, the solution is for men and women alike to develop a whole Self Compass so they can find intimacy with each other," said Germaine.

"Exactly," I said, "And I take my hat off to you as the truly brilliant feminist that you are."

“I must say, Dr. Dan,” Germaine replied, “You have just accurately interpreted my whole life story to me in five minutes. I now see that, according to your SELF COMPASS, I spent my first twenty years as an Underdog and the next ten years as a Top Dog—but with an emptiness inside me. I overdid it by being stuck there, you’re saying. Well, I’m going to start using your COMPASS MODEL and see if I can’t get the peace and joy and love I've always wanted.”

“Carry on and may God bless you.”

“Thank  you,” she said. “I don’t believe in God but I do believe in your Self Compass and I will carry forward with that.” She gave me a hug and we said goodbye.

DR DAN MONTGOMERY

THE SELF COMPASS