Dr. Dan Montgomery Praises The Rolling Stones' Healthy Interpersonal Psychology

My wife Kate and I watch a Rolling Stones documentary of a recent world tour that includes Cuba. We are curious to see how these rock legends, Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Ronnie Wood, and Charlie Watts, handle their interpersonal communication and communion amidst the stressors of a world tour, surrounded by fans and media, especially when a major glitch occurs.  

As we watch, what delights us most, beyond their great music? The solid style of healthy interpersonal psychology embedded in how they live, work, and play together. To hold together a rock band of legendary world fame for fifty years is no easy matter. But they are doing that with finesse. 

For example, the drummer, Charlie, comments: “I always play for Mick and Keith.”

Humble, wouldn’t you say? Altruistic caring. 

Charlie’s love and desire to fulfill his friends’ lives, 

a self-effacing servant for the greater good of the group project.

But how do they handle adversity? The goal blockages that occur in the complexities of a World Tour, especially a new venue: their scheduled Cuba Colosseum concert, an intricate endeavor that takes months of planning.

Particularly challenging, this scheduled appearance, since it is suddenly called off by a surprise announcement that President Obama is going to visit Cuba the very day of their concert.

How do Mick and the group handle this stunning setback? 

They simply say to their Tour Manager: “Okay. Try setting us up for the next available date.” 

Here is equanimity. No resentment or pomposity.  

No doom and gloom depression. 

And their whole organization shifts to preparing for the new date.  

But soon after they sign a finalized contract for the new date, the Vatican suddenly announces that the Pope will visit Cuba to say Mass in the Colosseum on that very day! And the government cancels the Rolling Stones contract.

How do the Rolling Stones respond, now twice bumped into oblivion? 

“Okay,” Mick says. “Let’s try again and see if the next date we set actually comes to pass.” 

Mick and the group, even then, exhibit a hardiness and emotional residency 

found only in very healthy personalities.

So they try again. And the day comes. And the Cuban people go crazy in love for this fantastic band who perform with love and passion. 

When Keith Richards takes a stroll down the runway to highlight his unique guitar gifts, the crowd chants: "Richards! Richards!" Keith's guitar almost slips out of his hands, and he almost faints with emotion. But Ronnie Woods darts down the runway, grabs his friend's shoulders to pull him back up, smiling radiantly. Keith regains his composure, whereupon he offers a humble bow to the crowd and returns centerstage to finish the concert. 

Surely humble love and lifelong faithful companionship, in action. 

A glorious and unforgettable concert!

By the way, I praise God for Mick's recent recovery from heart surgery and thank The Rolling Stones for one of the most inspiring songs I have ever heard: 

SALT OF THE EARTH  

Finding Freedom in Christ

Freedom. An easy concept. A difficult reality.

What happens to you when you enter a relationship with Jesus Christ? Is your freedom curtailed or expanded, diminished or enhanced?

Think of it this way: freedom is merging your will with God’s will, so that your life choices are augmented by the Lord’s reservoir of wisdom. After all, God’s been around an awfully long time. He knows how to navigate your path up the mountain, while meeting your needs along the way.

Yet many people feel squeamish about calling on God for daily guidance. “I need to take responsibility for my own choices,” says one man—“I can’t go running to God for every little problem.” 

I respect this perspective. There is a certain amount of truth here. God gives us freedom of choice, and exercising that freedom develops initiative and responsibility. But what is missing from this view is the recognition that Christ loves people wisely. The Lord doesn’t intend to merge your will with his to keep you immature or make you slavishly codependent. He’s not interested in lording his power over you.

No, the Lord wants to guide you through a rhythm of creative interaction, the way two lifelong companions talk things over and keep each other near at heart. Jesus is interested in everything you face, just as he was with the disciples. His goal is to keep you free and growing toward ever greater dimensions of psychological and spiritual wholeness. Paul has it right in Galatians 5:1—“For freedom Christ has set us free.”

Think about it. At all times, and in every situation, you have freedom to pray for God’s unfolding will. This doesn’t undermine your identity, but strengthens it. You trust God to move inside you and within every situation so that his blessings for you are made real.

If you are prone to worry, refuse to accept this as a precondition of life. Have you ever realized that worry is optional? That worry is a choice, not a necessity? Worry is a habit of not trusting yourself and not trusting God. Worry rates the Lord as a failure when it comes to guiding you. Usually we develop the worry habit when someone has undermined our self-confidence, or when a series of reversals have made us fearful that life will never turn out okay.

Worry is not God’s will for you. “But I’m afraid I’ll make the wrong choice,” you say. Or, “How can I tell if God is really guiding me?” You’ll never have 100% certainty. Don’t waste your time searching for spiritual guarantees. Just build a creative rhythm between worry and trust, weakness and strength. That works just fine.

You are not alone when it comes to worry. I worry. My wife Kate worries. All people fret when they can’t control life and make it behave. On top of that, we’ve all experienced bitter losses and moments when life has nearly crushed us.

The way out of worry is to remember that the other side of worry—the other fork in the trail—is trusting in the Lord. Deepening your individual bond with Christ helps you bypass chronic worry by leaning on him for help. You still have to make choices, and you still have occasional doubts, but you begin to know that the Holy Spirit hovers over you like a mother watching over a child.

Fear loses its grip when you trust the Lord in real-life situations and discern the nuances of his ready help in the face of need. Over time, you develop a faith history with God that bears witness to his ingenious provisions—his sometimes subtle and sometimes dramatic interventions on your behalf. 

There is no perfect way through life, nor is there a way of living that bypasses disappointment and adversity. But you can understand that most frustrations are merely inconvenient, not catastrophic. Over the years you evolve an encompassing trust in Christ’s love, reaching out to him instinctively when you face particularly gnarly problems.

Today alone I have asked the Lord to help me pay some important bills, guide Kate and me in fulfilling our life callings, and help a friend who is undergoing surgery. I even prayed for assistance in writing this blog.

Openly express gratitude to God, never writing off a blessing as good luck or coincidence. Catch him being good to you and let him know how you feel about it. You praise Jesus for his faithfulness, and give him lots of heart hugs.  Watch for God's blessings in your life this week!

For an in depth treatment of finding freedom and wholeness in Jesus Christ, read:

COMPASS PSYCHOTHEOLOGY: 

WHERE PSYCHOLOGY & THEOLOGY REALLY MEET